Crookedly in Love {a Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction}

41. Pull Me In

I took Shawn's hand into mine before entering Taylor's party. We had separated on the tour bus and gave each other space. We hadn't spoken in hours, and now we had to pretend like we were madly in love in front of everyone. 

"You ready?" Shawn asked. 

"For what?"

He didn't answer at first. I knew he meant ready to pretend after we had just been silent with one another. After we just acted like the other wasn't there, even though we were in tight quarters. 

"To meet everyone," he answered instead. 

"Yes," I answered. 

He nodded, and we opened the door to Taylor's suite. It was packed with people. There were a lot more girls than guys in the room, and they were all socializing with one another. They were so happy and so fun and bright, I felt extremely inadequate being there. 

Taylor was in the middle of it all. Everyone was around her, laughing with her, complimenting her. She was radiating. She caught my eye, and her face lit up. 

"Julia! Shawn! Welcome to the happy couple," she said, running over to us. She gave us both a tight hug. 

"Hey Taylor," I said, as if it were something so casual. 

"Well, come on in! Get a drink, I'll introduce you to some people."

Selena Gomez was meandering in the corner. She was talking to some guy with a beanie on, and Taylor pulled us in her direction. I was freaking out. 

"Sel, meet Shawn and Julia. Shawn's opening for me, like I told you earlier. And Julia co-writes all his songs. They're in love."

I laughed at the intro. "Hi Selena, really nice to meet you."

She gave me a hug. "Hey guys. Your songs are awesome. Really. Would love to chat with you more about your process!"

Opportunities were just knocking all around me, and I couldn't help but thank God Shawn and I had struck a deal. 

"Of course, I'd be more than happy to!" I responded. 

"Cool, let's schedule a time for this week. I'll let my manager know, and he'll chat with yours."

It was so casual and so quick. It's like they did this all the time. 

"So you guys are dating? That's so sweet," Selena went on to say. 

"How did you guys fall in love?" Taylor wondered, genuinely. "High school sweethearts?"

"Oh," I said, awkwardly looking at Shawn. "You don't want to hear this, it's boring."

"Please," Taylor laughed. "I'm fascinated by this stuff. Everyone falls in love and indulges in such similar feelings, but it all happens or manifests itself in different ways."

Shawn smiled at that, and I wondered why. 

"You start," I nudged Shawn. Partially because I didn't want to hear myself bullshit about a relationship that wasn't real. That started off as a lie and is still living and breathing as one. Partially because if I told the story about how I actually believed Shawn and I fell in love, all I would want to do is break down and cry. 

"Oh," he said, surprised. He put his arm around me. "Well, I've been pretty much pining after Julia since we moved in next to each other when we were twelve." 

"Oh my God," both girls cooed. 

"Yeah," he continued. "And I guess I dated other girls to keep my mind off of her because we only knew each other as best friends and nothing else. I think we were both too scared to cross that line because I knew I wanted her in my life forever, and I didn't want to jeopardize anything."

I smiled slightly, playing the part. 

"And then when I got signed to my record label, I didn't want to share my experience with anyone else but Julia. She got me - she understood my style, my heart, everything about me. So I was beyond ecstatic when we signed a deal to write my album together. And I guess everything just fell into place after that."

"Who made the first move?" Taylor wanted to know. 

"He did," I answered. "He came into the dressing room one night before a show, and he told me how he felt. And then he kissed me on stage and told me it's always been me."

They were so wrapped up in this story, and I almost was too. I almost wanted to hear about when I was happy because it was easier than thinking about right now. 

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard," Selena commented. 

"Taylor, I know you mentioned love manifests itself in different ways," Shawn continued, and I felt his arm loop around my waist and hold me tight. I let him hold me there. I wanted him even closer. "And for us, I think it was always there. I've always loved Julia - I could never picture my life without her. But it didn't hit me how much I needed her in my life until I thought I was going to lose her. And that's when I knew I would do anything I could to keep her."

I looked up at him, wondering if he could really mean all those things he said. Taylor and Selena were in absolute putty on the floor, and I had to admit, I was a bit too. 

"Oh my God, you were going to lose her? What did he do?" she asked me. 

"Oh, no, I just...I think the pressure of the cameras and the press got to us. And we just, we had a hard time separating that life from our private lives. I don't know if that makes any sense."

"I completely get that. I've been there a thousand times," Taylor assured me. 

"If you guys ever want help on coping with being in the public eye, ask us. We've suffered enough to know it isn't easy," Selena offered. I really appreciated that. 

"Let's get drinks for all of us. You two wait here," Taylor instructed to Shawn and I. 

We still had to play the part even though were were left alone. Everyone needed to know we were in love and not pretending. I turned towards Shawn and brushed my fingers through his air. He closed his eyes slowly, as if savouring the moment. 

"Julia," he whispered. 

I don't know what willed me to do this, but I decided to lean in and kiss him. He didn't stop me, and I didn't want him to. I pressed my lips softly against his. He held me tighter to his chest, as I cupped the side of his face. Our mouths moved together, tenderly. His lips were burning, as he moved in towards me. His breath was getting deeper, as he threaded his fingers with mine. 

I sighed slightly with content. I don't know why I did it. Maybe because I still wanted to be with him. My whole body ached to be near him, with him, but I didn't know how to be. This gave me an excuse to act on my impulses. 

We pulled away but still remained close. He kissed my forehead lightly and leaned into me. 

"I know you're just pretending," he murmured. 

I didn't say anything back because I wasn't sure what was the truth.