My exceptional excuse for everything I have as reason for a reason

Letting go lessons

He said I need to learn to let people go as I was holding onto him the tightest!! But whether he knew that or not I couldn't be for sure. Chances are he did like most everything else but also in similar fashion of who I've always known him to be he would say such a thing to me knowing how tightly I held him close to me. Even though he disconnected our bond in technical wording he made a point to keep schedule, procedure and the outline of what we were in reasonable reach if able to extend yourself just a bit further with effort he was counting on in me and the whole gist of stripping us of the title I held so much worth in for what it represented that no one wanted to put out there displaying everything he couldn't wait to make known was his with a proudful joy at the way he tamed me under complete control and with such little work and too much ease... an accomplished historical event for what I am and what I have refused profusely with a stubborn rebellion the likes of stories and tales of the things that were so glorified both for a rareness equivalent to gold and jewels and the strength with determination not to be shaken for the will and mite of character people don't possess anymore. As I gave a final consideration of wondering if he knew of my holding him with clenched fists and dug in claws as he advised me sternly with more ordering than suggesting that I had to let people go permanently.. and immediately I answered my question and reassured myself of the complete understanding of him that of course he knew.. it was just like everything else in our world. He was always the exception to the rules and not just according to him, I also bypassed everything set up as guidelines and boundaries for the protection of all I held dear and saw as important in keeping me who I was with much work and damage repaired and reinforced I didn't bat an eye at or give a millimeter of concern for as I let him slide past my safety shield and armor set up for preservation of my my life I went to hell and back for recovering myself as best I could never getting anywhere near the whole entirety of the girl I was before love discovered it could take me down, stripping everything extraordinary in and of me that was too entertaining for the way I put on such a traumatic, toddler like tantrum and overly dramatic disposal of characteristics and qualities that are only given to a rare Minuit few that guarded them with all they had and I just flailed about so immersed in pain of my tiny controllable heart nowhere near as important or necessary as the things I flung out of me while flailing and wailing in agony with the worse feeling of pain like dying without an obvious wound I remember well as I put my security system to the side and power down for the admittance and exception of him and I knew as he breezily strode by that he was ten times the destruction of the one who forever changed who I was and took essential things from me that love is still so impressed with my performance of self destruction for the one thing I still can't resist and the one thing I know with certainty the outcome
Just never the degree of damage I'm sure to suffer and put on a fabulous show for the biggest weakness of the only thing I have found that makes worth of living but momentarily for I also knew the taking of the very same sensation that would leave me flailing about and casting off all I had regained during the periods of love searching for a viable candidate I couldn't refuse..anything but ordinary, average or mundane because of zero effort and interest in such minor things not worth what I knew as payment and consequence of the highest level and priciest worth.. everything I'd rebuild during loves search for the next one sure to be too exquisite to resist and on goes the show .. ephifany and fleeting thoughts of the last and final cast member added that wouldn't need replacing and also wouldn't be leaving the show for the gifts and skillful abilities identical to mine that he wouldn't part with for anything even the soul meant for him that brings love and filling wholey all the things elusive and mythical that are sought and searched for but never obtained. He'd walk away from that for the unwillingness of losing his abilities and gifts of advancement in a human so rare that I would toss off and away like disposable and nothing special compared to the great and vast amount of love and accomplishment of corralling something as difficult as myself for taming even buried to the neck in love I just put a fiesty twist to along with complete surrender of my heart and vulnerabilities that would otherwise be boring and too easy without the refusal to tame me.. and this one so perfect in completion of my missing half of me I not only surrendered my usual but I was tamed and corralled before he even attempted to break me and put me on display for those to know that he was superior and more than any of them for accomplishing a feat that none had success with getting under hand and complete submission from willingly and in pure enjoyment of for the pride felt giving him that elusive pedestal and envy apparent in all that tried and failed at his defeating accomplishment taming me fully we both got intoxicated from knowing that he got the one thing that I wouldn't let go of for anything in the world until he came along and I parted with giving zero thought.. I instantly invited him in and offered permancy along with a welcoming gift sure to keep him in residency of my heart for the long haul after immediate recognition of the other half of me , and my every exception and  excuse for allowing what I never would. How stupidly arrogant of me to even consider that he didn't know my steel grip on him as he imparted his wisdom and ordering the letting go of others he excused and excluded himself from with joyful irony at the way I allowed him everything I refused and all i had confirmed as total enihilation of myself.
S,R. Salazar