Jue's Workbook for Cat's Writing Boot Camp

Exercise 4: Revising

This is the revised version of the previous exercise. The revision was made based on the critique received during the Critiques session.

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Ah,,, what a nice afternoon! John thought excitedly. When he walked out of his room this morning, he imagined spending his afternoon in peace sitting on the veranda, enjoying the breeze and the view of the beautiful park he loved. And if he was lucky he would see the beautiful Linda.

Linda was a young beautiful girl whom John was madly in love with. She was a free soul, cheerful and kind. Everybody loved her. Her smile was one thing that John would die for. Linda loved to sit on one of the benches in the park while John would look at her from the veranda, admiring her beauty.

But that was what John imagined. The truth was the complete opposite. He had to sit at a table with his friend, a lovely young woman with curly hair, while listening to the complaints of the heavy set old man dressed in brown plaid shirt sitting in front of him.

"You made a terrible mistake, John." Shouted the old man Jim. He crossed his arms and looked straight to John while the young woman just sat there in silence looking at the two men one after another.

"Me? How come?" John asked in confusion. He turned his gaze to the park, avoiding the old man's eyes. No matter how annoyed he was, he knew very well that responding to the old man's anger with anger would only make things worse. Besides, John was not the arguing type. He was a very easy going, relax person. He leaned back on his chair and ran his fingers through his short brown hair. He looked quite relax even though the man in front of him looked as if he might swallow him anytime.

"Yes, you! You just gave away some of your shares to that crazy chick Linda for what, a kiss on your cheek?" Jim said with a mocking tone.

John could only shake his head. He leaned forward and said, "She's hot, man! Anyone here would do just the same to get her sweet smile." And then he smiled.

"I wouldn't!" Jim snapped.

"You're too stiff, man! Too traditional. You should try to do what I do once in a while. You know," he shrugged his shoulders, "enjoying your life a bit."

John's words surely made Jim angrier. He looked at John with wide eyes, pushed himself forward and slapped the table with his left hand. "Like hell I would! This traditional man is the one who keeps this company moving for the last five years."

"Ah, come on. This company won't go bankrupt just because it lost a little of its share." Said John easily.

"You crazy brat! You won't last a month if you keep doing that." Jim's voice shook with anger.

Listening to the old man, John turned his head to the park again. His eyes moved from the purple Verbena and pink daisy dominating the edge of the park to the bright yellow chrysanthemum surrounding the water fountain in the middle of the park. He closed his eyes for a few seconds to feel the breeze and sighed to release the annoyance caused by the man in front of him and then opened his eyes again.

"Ok, OK. I get it. Will try to follow your traditional rules." Said John, raising both his hands as a sign of surrender, making Jim relax a little.

Jim turned his head to his side looking at the young woman who had not said a word.

"This better be a lesson for you too, Cyntia. As a member of board directors, you should know that every move and action you take will affect the attitude of other members of board directors. Don't let the last drunk accident happen again in the meeting room, Ok?"