Cant Always Make Reality Exceed Non-reality

Breath With Me Camz

Camilas pov
Brrrrering Brrrrrering
I open my eyes and roll over trying to ignore my phone. It's been going off for the past hour and I can't bring myself to care. But it's getting annoying now and I need to sleep more....I kept waking up last night crying from bad dreams about what happened.

Maybe I'll just check it and then turn it off, yeah that's what I'll do.
     I roll back over and grab my phone.
  8 missed calls. 10 text messages.
  All of them coming from either one of the girls or Simon or.......R-r...him.
    I know we had something today, what was it again? A studio thing? I don't remember nor do I care.
   But the girls are relying on me to come practice today. I'm probably taking up their time by not being there.....they can do it without me though. I mean all they have to do is record their parts now and I'll record mine later.
From Roger
Camila. Get to the studio now or pay for it later.
I close my eyes after reading it and know that I'm gonna have to get up. I have to get up. Now. Fuck.
I throw my covers off and stand up to walk and notice my....area still hurts. It's still sore, I'll have to take a lot more Advil than I usually do.
I take 4 pills and then throw some clothes on, not really paying attention to how my top and bottom match. I brush my teeth and see my self in the mirror. There's mascara lines all down my face and the bruise from when he hit me is still showing.
I cover up the bruise and wipe the mascara from my face, not bothering to put more on, who knows what today will bring.
Then I put some shoes on, grab my wallet, and leave my hotel room.
I pay for a cab and get to the studio about 10 minutes later.
Stepping out of the cab I remember that I forgot my phone at home.
"Shit" I mumble, but keep walking to the building, nothing I can do now.
When I step into the room where everyone was sitting at, they all turn to look at me.
"There you are," Simon stands up and walks toward me,"we couldn't start without you. You are still part of this group, you know," he says and chuckles at his joke. Am I though?
I stare at him, not having the energy to react to what he said to me.
"Oookayy...lets go to the studio then, shall we?" He says and opens the door that leads into the hallway. The girls stand from their chairs and all start exiting the room.
Oh no. I didn't think about this. We're going into the same exact room where it happened. Where he..h-he...did it. We're going to be standing on the same carpet, by the same big 300 pound stereo, looking at the same damn glass wall.
"Camila?" A voice brings me out of my thoughts and I realize I haven't moved from where I was standing.
Lauren is in the middle of the doorway looking at me strangely.
"Come on, you already made us late," she says and motions for me to start walking.
"Okay," my voice dry, this being the first thing I've said all day. And I walk in front of her, to the studio doors that I used to skip into. I used to be eager to walk into this room, to sing and feel melodies and song lyrics. I used to come here and enjoy how silent it was, but last night I learned that it's anything but.
I walk into the studio and my heart started beating. Hard. I remember staring at the glass window and being able to see the door when he left, seeing him disappear through the door way and the door shutting was the only time I ever heard a door shut and felt relief.
*bam*
I jump at the loud sound of the door and gasp. Shit, shit, shit. The same noise that was followed by the worst time of my life.
"Hey," Lauren still being behind me says,"it's just a door," and she passes me up staring at me with the same strange expression on her face, and steps into the recording room where there are mics and actual recording stuff.
I watch her walk in to through the glass door but I can't find the courage to move my feet.
I don't want to be here. The red lights brimming the room are staring at me and I can see the heavy speaker in the studio that held me captive not long ago.

All of the sudden a hand landed on my shoulder.

"No!!!!!" I screamed and closed my eyes tightly sinking to the floor.
Don't touch me. I don't want this to happen. This can't happen. Not again, please don't let him be here.
I don't want to open my eyes and see him, but I have to open my eyes, I can hear people talking to me.
"Camila??" I hear a deep British voice say. I know he isn't British so it can't be him.
I open my eyes to Simon and I flinch back seeing a tall figure over me. I look around the room to see the girls have come out of the studio room and are now standing by watching me hesitantly. I look at each one of them and I try to calm my breathing. But it's hard when this carpet is the same as the studio, itchy, white and I still remember how hard it was to lift myself off it. I remember the reason I was on the carpet in the first place and my heart stammers.
I'm here again, same carpet, same red lights, same door closing, same glass wall, and same heavy stereo.
I start gasping for air, I need to get out. Why aren't I moving though? Don't my legs know I can't be here? My eyes have been shut for a while and I know people are talking to me but I just can't seem to make out what they're saying. Focus Camila, you need to get a hold of your breathing, the light headedness is starting. I open my eyes and make pcontact with a wide-eyed emerald green pair that gave me enough courage to speak.
"Please 'gasp' help 'gasp," I get out before closing my eyes again and waiting for the blackness to begin.
I felt soft hands land on my arms currently wrapped around my legs. "Camz? Can you hear me?"
I heard a voice I could differentiate anywhere. I nod, not lifting my head from my knees, knowing it wouldn't be a good idea.
"You're hyperventilating, you need to calm down enough to get your breathing under control okay? Just listen to my voice and focus on it," she says slowly rubbing her hands up and down my forearms.
"Okay, breathe with me camz. In," I hear her inhale and hold it there for a second," and out," she exhales loudly.
"Do it with me this time ready? Breath in," I follow her directions and breath in," breath out," and I feel all the air leave my lungs.