Lost Then Found - Lutteo

Broken dreams

He had too much time on his hands.

Not being able to walk around much, Matteo spent most of his time now laying in his bed, trying to decide what hurt more – his bruised ankle or his heart. Though, to be fair, it wasn't a hard decision to make. The prescripted painkillers were strong enough to numb whatever pulsating feeling he had in his foot, but there was no such cure for the pain sitting in his chest. For the last two days, the picture of Luna leaving him played over and over in his mind. Her back turned towards him. Her skates constantly moving away from him. Her cold shoulder he knew better than her eyes by now.

Matteo couldn't believe Luna had left, just like that. It never occurred to him as a thing she'd be able to do. She was so loyal to the ones she cared about, always fighting for them like a lion mother. Apparently, he no longer belonged to those lucky people.

The bitter sensation of this harsh truth shattered his heart into pieces. With each day, it became more clear that he needed Luna, her light, her warmth. Needed it, her, like the earth needed the sun. But as the sun, she moved on without a second thought.

"How are you feeling?", his mother wanted to know whenever she checked up on him. Each time, pretending nothing was wrong got harder. How she didn't notice his struggle remained beyond him.

Gastón, however, did as soon as he came over. Naturally. He noticed it in the time it took Matteo to smile at him, and in the small sighs that slipped out of his mouth from time to time. The hug Gastón greeted his best friend with lasted a few seconds longer than usual.

"Does Luna even care that I'm hurt?", Matteo asked at one point. He looked miserable on his bed, a bandage around his foot and his gaze fixed on the ceiling. "Of course she does", Gastón hurried to say.

Matteo only snorted. "She didn't even look at me once."

"That's not true. She did, when we carried you out. That's probably why you didn't notice, but she kept her eyes on you all the time." Carefully, Gastón watched his best friend. He remembered Luna's worried expression, the guilt and wished Matteo would have seen it too.

"I wish I could believe you." Matteo paused, hesitated, before adding: "Did I tell you that she asked Tamara to cut her hours down immediately after she saw me again?"

For a moment, Gastón was taken aback. "No, you didn't." Then, he took a deep breath and searched for the right words. "But I'm sure, it's, uh, nothing. Maybe she panicked, maybe it didn't have anything to do with you? Maybe her parents want to make sure she has enough time for homework?"

"Nothing? This isn't nothing", Matteo replied. The hurt in his eyes hadn't left just like his hope hadn't returned. "She's running away from me. All the time. I bet she hates me now." His voice broke during the last sentence. It wasn't the first time this idea struck him. So far, though, he had always pushed it away. Now, it hit him with full force, making it hard to breathe.

"Matteo, no", Gastón nearly shouted, "She doesn't hate you, she couldn't. She can't. If she'd really hate you, she wouldn't have been this wrecked about you leaving. You should have seen her, she wasn't herself anymore." Silence filled the room. Only the sound of a clock slowly ticking in the background broke through. "She still isn't", Matteo resumed.

There was another question eating him from the inside. "How much time is she spending on the rink right now?" He knew the answer when Gastón sighed defeated. "Matteo..." It didn't stop him. "No. Tell me. Please. I need to know."

His heart needed to realize the mess he had made. And he deserved this, for hurting her, for not being brave enough to tell his parents the truth and to make up for his mistakes. "She's catching up on a lot of training", Gastón finally admitted. If Matteo tried hard enough, it didn't even hurt as much.