Everything is like a silent apocalypse, nothing moves as if the world is frozen in time. A never-ending stand still that holds us in our places.
As I stand and watch the world go on around me, I watch people continue with their everyday lives, walking through the hollow empty black void I call ahead to, and when they leave they take a piece with them, as they rip the last ray of hope shining in the thick, black suffocating abyss of my hopeless soul, I realise that I have no reason to be here nothing is keeping me here, so what is the point of staying. I know that no one will notice my disappearance, and they won't care even if they did notice because, the thug is I am just another shadow among the rest, that are hidden from the grasps of existence, standing on the edge of the bottomless pit called insanity waiting to take the last step that could potentially end it all.
I stand at the edge of the depressing, worn down cliff. I could do it. I could jump. I could have all of is come to an end right in front of me; just by taking one little step. It doesn't have to be big, I just must move forward and let myself fall. I go to take that last step, as I go to my conscience starts to buzz but then, I realise it's not my conscience and I turn around, only to come face to face with him. "Please don't do this, you don't have to do this, and you don't have to do anything." He begs, standing still, pure panic etched onto every minuscule detail of his face. He is the picture of pure terror and what he is witnessing is every friends worst nightmare. It's not fair that I am causing him this pain,it's not fair that I am making him carry this burden.
"It's too late, I have to do this you know I do. If I don't then I am walking back to the same old boring life where no one cares and no one thinks I matter. I'm just another name on a screen, another breath wasted and another life taken." I say to him, hoping he will understand and praying that he will go, because no matter how hard he tries I must do this, not even him can change my mind.
He shakes his head and when he looks at me, his eyes show that he is having an internal battle with himself that he knows he can't win. So he turns away but not before looking back at me his usually ocean blue eyes, masked in sorrow and coated in a thick layer of self-hatred - this is because of me, I thought to myself. "You should know that you will always be my best friend, no matter what you do, I shall never hate you because of the decisions you have made, and although I don't agree with this, I don't know how to convince you to come back" he whispers. I knew that I shouldn't be doing this to him but, I know I must whether he wants me to or not, I don't fit into this world I'm like a black rose coated in thorns in the middle of a field of blood red ones.
I stand out like a sore thumb and unfortunately, it is not the good type of different. It is the type that can explode back into your face and get the people you love and care about hurt. It is the type of different that can hurt and scare you for the rest of the days that you live, but the scares you are left with don't make you look strong or brave, they make you look weak and like a complete outcast, it's as if I am a gazelle in a field of lions.
I hear the soft hymn of his car reversing away and the soft crunch of gravel underneath his tires, I turn around to catch the last glimpse of his moon lit car. I felt the sickening feeling of regret and guilt wash over me dragging me down into the void, empty freezing oceans of society's expectations. I can't meet those inevitable expectations, I don't know why I care so much about them but for some reason I do.
I take a small step closer to the edge, the edge of which will be the last know place I was and will be.for the location as to where I have been is known where as I am Unknown. To the world. To society. To life, and at no point soon will I be unknown to the world when my entire existence is crumbling in front of my very eyes as I stand at the edge, the edge of oblivion, the edge of my life.
I am Unknown, I know that much and right now I also know it is time ... To end this for once and for all. I take the last step and let myself free fall. This how I wish to spend my last moments, falling without a care in the world. It is calm and tranquil and everything seems to freeze in place as I hit the white veil of ice cold crashing waves.
I can feel every nerve ending in my body come to a stop, a stand still. As I let the darkness of life subsided and the light of the Unknown over takes me, I finally feel like I belong, like I am home.
After all, I am Unknown, to me and to the world and it will stay this way for as long as pain suffering still walks this very earth.
Everything is like a silent apocalypse, nothing moves as if the world is frozen in time. A never-ending stand still that holds us in our places.
