Heart of Flame

XII. New Friends

"You wonder if what you did was right."

Sorne looked up from the blood she was scrubbing off her hands. She'd collapsed the night before, unable to even wash up before unconsciousness. Now she was in a stream not far from Throkk, trying to get the flakes of brown off her body. She had already changed into clean clothes, so she wasn't alarmed by Graaol's sudden presence. Granted, she hadn't heard him approach. The shaman could move so soundlessly for a creature so large. The girl hesitated for a second, then nodded. "I took lives away," she said softly. "Those men...they might have had families. But I...I was so angry. What makes me any different than Aldana and his hounds?"

Graaol took a seat on the grass beside her, smelling of wet wolf and smoke even after a night of rest. Light reflected off the edges of his iron claws. "And what would have happened if you had not? If you had stayed your hand. Both Jukha and Banaak had enemies attacking them that they had not seen. They would have died. You protected them."

"I know," she said. "But it still feels wrong."

"To be a warrior is not easy," Graaol said. "That said, death is just another part of life. All a warrior can do is be quick, be clean, be just."

"How is murder just?" Sorne asked. She appreciated the lifeline that Graaol was throwing her, but she wasn't certain she could believe it.

Graaol snorted. "Murder is an act of violence against those who cannot defend themselves. Battle is a test of equals, even if one is caught unaware. Justice comes in the reason. Do you kill because you are given no other option? Do you kill because it is easy or satisfying? A selfish blow is a wicked one. But a blow in the defense of others? Things such as this serve a different purpose." A clawed hand rested on Sorne's shoulder. "You are only Aldana if you choose to become him. It is many choices along the way, this dark path, but it is always a choice."

"I can feel it inside of me," Sorne admitted. The rage, the hate, they were all that seemed to be moving her forward some days. They had carried her so far.

"It is a part of you. Of all of us," Graaol said. "We say there are two halves to a soul, the day and the night. They are like beasts of light and darkness, forever locked in a battle. The one that wins? The one you care for the most. But yes, I feel it in you. The pain, the rage, the hate. Aldana left a mark on you, one that will never fade." He tapped her hand gently. "You may bury your past if you choose, but that will not end it. Someday, I think, you will return to Genev, so very different than the girl who left it."

"Because of him," she said, her voice a little unsteady.

Graaol shook his head. "No," he said. "You will return because you will never be content as long as wickedness is in the world. It is an impossible battle, but someday you will hold Aldana to account, for the sake of those he has broken and those he will break."

"I think you see a better me than I see," Sorne said softly. She heard a soft cheep from her sleeping dragonling. Nirsal was bundled up in her bloodied clothes, dozing away.

"When you left Mauléon, you wanted him to know pain as you have known pain, yes?" Graaol said. When she nodded, he flexed his claws and studied her. "And what do you wish now?"

"To be njoshari," Sorne said. She took a deep breath. "I don't want to ever go back. I feel like I'm home here."

"You will never leave Ash Kordh completely. Wherever you go, you will carry the home you have found in your heart," Graaol said as he stood up. "One can take the girl from the fire, but never the fire from the girl."

Sorne nodded, smiling faintly at the gruff shaman. "Thank you, Graaol," she said softly. "I'm not sure I believe you, but I feel better."

Graaol grunted. "You are a child yet," he said. "Still finding your feet, finding your power. Someday, you will understand."