What even is this? A mental breakdown?

Of...

Stop right there...they shouldn't know what happens next.

Why? I was just going to explain what happens next, shouldn't the people deserve a proper chapter?

NO...it will only make you seem more desperate and attention seeking.

I guess you're right, but what else am I going to write?

Write something that has nothing to do with yourself, then you're thinking more creatively.

You're right! I shall work on it now!

Good, because the people reading you're story will find it pathetic and clichéd.

Thank you...

The Lifeless Man

Chapter 1

"I shall need more tests done if I want to be complete."
This is Robert, he has lost his emotions after trading them with the devil for a man to have for the rest of his life. But he didn't realize that getting a man wouldn't bring him joy do to him losing his feelings. This was said because exposition, K? Good.
"Soon enough I will have enough human emotions to feel the love I share for my man."
Robert currently has a female strapped down for her emotions in a machine that strips her of her emotions that just works because well...a plot has to happen now doesn't it?
"Please! I'll do anything for you! ANYTHING, umm...how about sex? You want that right?" Said the female.
"I would laugh right now if I could, but I can't. You see darling, I have a thing for guys..not women. There he is over there."
He points to his man, who sits patiently for him to get done with it. "Now prepare to be sucked of your emotions."
"NOOOO, PLEASE DEAR GOD HAVE MERCY ON ME!"
He then preceded to suck of her all of her emotions clean and finally had enough emotions back to become normal again.
"Finally, now I'll just put this jar of emotions that are liquid for some reason and put it in some machine that does exactly what I want with no explanation as to how it works."
After the machine finished making a potion to give his emotions back, he decided to drink it...obviously.
"I feel...something...it's coming back to me! My emotions!"
"Way to go babe!" Said Robert's boyfriend.
"Yes! I want to make love now, in order to see how it works!"
They then started to get it on (I will not go in-depth you dirty wankers, go find some yourself) and it was going great until Robert started to not get into it.
"Babe...I'm kinda losing the magic here...I think the potion only works for so long."
"Nooo!!! Please try to hold onto..mmm.. them please"
Soon Robert looked at his man blankly, his boyfriend's worst fear had returned.
"I've lost my feelings babe, sorry" He said coldly.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!"

What was that ****? Wait, why are my swear words covered up?

Because I don't like swear words and I'll tell you what it was, it was a chapter of a story.

I know that but...why is it a parody of books of its genre and so sarcastic.

Because I thought it'd be funny to write a parody.

Well that'd not what I wanted! Write a actual story that deals with romance between two heterosexuals, has drama, with some lighthearted comedy, a jealous boy that comes in to make the girl love interest have to choose between two men, in depth sex scenes, 1 dimensional characters that are basically sterotypes, a high school/middle school setting and age range, nothing new or risky in it, a tragic ending that should make the reader cry, a focus on making as much money as possible, and has nothing to do with your life. Was that too hard to ask?

.......

Aren't you going to say something?

....

Well, get to work for ****'s sake. Not again!

.....yes....