I Don't Wanna Live Forever

RainbowClan: A Gathering of Past History

~Butterflystar~

When you lose a loved one, or the love of your life...

Is anything the same? Will anything ever be the same?

You may feel fear, paranoia, or even anger

But none of those will bring her back

Butterflystar's POV

"I will be bringing Skybeauty, Blacksmith, Omegawing, Kinkheart, Hawknose, Florence, Evelyn, Sweetgaze, Shadowdream, Tulipheart, Bridgette, Oreo, Cindercloud, Icedapple, Darkfang, Nobleclaw, Monica, Phoebe, Poofpaw, Sootpaw, and Honeypaw to the Gathering." I announced.

The cats that I chose turned to each other and spoke in excitement, a feeling that I hadn't felt in moons. Not since my mate Windrider died.

I even remembered finding her dead body near the lake that I named after her. Her once beautiful white and spotted pelt was torn apart and stained with dry blood. It had to be one of those surviving FierceClan cats coming back for vengeance. One day I'll find them and they'll suffer ten times over, even if it was the last thing I did.

Nobleclaw, my deputy's father, approached me looking nervous.

"I don't think I can go to the Gathering...ever." Nobleclaw looked away from me. "I...I have kits in AngelClan that were still apprentices when their mother was killed and I left. If they see me again they'll probably lose it, they're going to be very angry that I abandoned them."

"Our Clans will not have any conflicts, you are going to Gathering and you will resolve this issue with your kits." I growled. "Who am I kidding? Of course we'll have conflict eventually, but it's not going to be over something as stupid as your cowardice."

Nobleclaw's gaze darkened and he turned away to the crowd of cats going to the Gathering. I signaled to them and they all followed me towards the Mooncliff, with most of the warriors in front of the apprentices to keep them from running towards the edge. No cat was dying on my watch.

We approached the Mooncliff and AngelClan was already there waiting for us. I looked over the cats that Starlingstar brought...and saw her. That cat Avery who left with Gunner moons ago after he killed Hailcloud!

Then I remembered that Hailcloud was Windrider's brother...what if Gunner killed Windrider as well and I just didn't know of it? Then maybe I shouldn't of let him go, I should've ripped his guts out of his belly and clawed out his eyes if he did that to Windy! Could I have let my mate's killer free? Well...Avery probably knows the answer.

I moved past the cats in front of me and approached the other tortoiseshell, wondering if I should take the hostile route or patient route getting information out of her. I decided to choose the latter since I knew Avery to be very strong-willed when she was a warrior in my Clan.

When Avery saw me approaching, a flash of some unknown emotion briefly showed in her eyes before her gaze returned to normal.

"Avery, so good to see you again." My voice dripped with fake enthusiasm and it looked like Avery could see right through me. "Did you know that my mate died several moons ago?"

"I didn't, I'm sorry." Avery simply said.

"Are you? Cause I'm pretty sure I remember your friend killing my mate's brother." So much for the patient route. "I bet my mate was the next one to go huh? If you tell me the truth I won't rip your throat out right here: did Gunner kill my mate?"

"No, he didn't stop to kill anymore cats after he killed Hailcloud." Avery admitted. My tense shoulders were no longer tense and they slumped in defeat. Who killed the love of my life?

"Avery, why did you go with Gunner? He cheated on his former mate Darkfang with Priscilla while she still had Robinskip and Gingerpelt in the Nursery, he killed Hailcloud, and he took down any cat that he wanted to." I began to ask. "I knew you to be a cat that did whatever you wanted, so why did you do it? Were you in love with him too?"

"Ew, no!" Avery growled, completely grossed out. "I was in love with Leo, we've been best friends since we were kits in our old Twolegplace. He told me that he was going with Gunner because he and Gunner became good friends and he thought that he was innocent. I disagreed with both of those things but I wanted to stay with him, even if it meant leaving the Clan that took us in."

"So why aren't you with him now?"

"I saw Gunner almost kill one of AngelClan's cats and I realized that it wasn't worth it to follow that monster just to be with a tom that probably doesn't love me back." Avery answered.

Gunner was a part of AngelClan?

"I...I think Starlingstar wants to speak with you." Avery meowed looking over my shoulder. I turned around and indeed saw the new leader waiting. Well, I guess we have a lot to talk about, especially with the new information that I had.

"Hello Starlingstar...so tell me. When were you going to tell me that my former warrior Gunner was a part of your Clan before you all came here?" I asked.

"He was in your Clan?" Her eyes widened.

"Avery never told you? Nor any of the other rogues Gunner came with? You don't expect me to believe that do you?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Why are you blaming me for taking him in? Our last leader Rabbitstar was the one that decided they could stay and I was completely against it!" Starlingstar protested. "Besides, didn't you let him join your Clan?"

My fur tensed and I glared at the black and white she-cat, intimidating her.

"I...I didn't mean to say that." Starlingstar laughed nervously. "I don't want us to be upset at each other. I would never let such a hateful cat into our Clan."

"...okay. I just...my mate was killed moons ago and I thought that Gunner might've known something about it. But I guess Avery was right." I sighed. "That's why I was crying when I said Windrider when we met last sunrise."

"Oh...while I still have you here, can I ask you a few things?" Starlingstar said. "Like did you see Marquis? He ran off earlier and we wondered if he went into your territory."

"Oh, he joined our Clan. He, uh, didn't say why but he looked really upset." I answered her. "Did your Clan do something that'd make him run away?"

"No, he's afraid Gunner will come back to kill his ex-mate." Starlingstar replied. "Did he seem hateful towards cats of other sexualities when he was in your Clan?"

"Looking back on it, he was very hateful to cats who were different." I commented. "Did you want to ask anything else?"

"Yes, actually. AngelClan is starting to catch greencough and we couldn't find catmint anywhere in our side of the territory and I was hoping that you have some on your side...?" Starlingstar asked a question I unfortunately knew she was going to ask. Because I already knew the answer to that question.

"We only have enough for our Clan the rest of leaf-bare. When Blacksmith went to look for more, we saw the rest of the catmint in our territory was destroyed." I growled, suspecting that the same cat that killed my mate also destroyed the herbs outside of camp. Whoever this cat was was really out to get my Clan.

Or out to get me.