No one knows because no one sees
They don't see me have my mind running 1,000 miles per hour
Full of useless negative thoughts
These useless negative thoughts that seek more important to think about than my actual will to exist
They don't see the late nights or mid day episodes
The need to constantly move as if I'm a recovering addict
The tears that fall from my swollen puffy blood shot eyes
Not tears from crying or sobs
Tears that leak out from not being in control
How my lips puff up and my mouth builds up saliva
Having that saliva drool out from leaving my mouth open even the slightest
Feeling the need to cover myself with a ball point pen
Because God forbid I see clean vulnerable skin in this state
I might get the tendency to harm myself
Just so I can feel something
Because that's better than feeling nothing
Just so I can feel in control
At least I'd be controlling something
The desire to do dangerous irrational things that could severely injure or even kill me
No
No one knows
No
No
One
Sees
That
