Ugh - Alex

mini self- recognition moment

Don't worry, you're not obligated to read this, like everything else in this random story.
So, if you're up to date with my "Dark Waters" Septiplier fanfiction, you'll know I had to put it on pause for a weekend (which is now over and will be updated regularly again) for a specific test.
In my current school, we have to take standardized tests every year for specific classes that we've taken depending on our grade. I had to take a Math and History one. I passed the Math one with a good grade, and was very proud of myself, considering how much I normally struggle in math.
Then, came history.
I don't have a problem with history class - it's usually the teacher who makes it or breaks it for me. For example, last year, even though my teacher was kinda mean, he taught me well and I still remembered a lot of what I learned from him. I moved at the beginning of 2017 to a new state, and just my luck, the two teachers of different states that I had this year for history sucked.
So, I work hard anyways, I try to do well, blah blah blah, and suddenly, my new school is throwing standardized tests at me. Ok, I can handle this. They're a bit different from my old school, but i'll survive. Like I said, my math one goes smoothly. My history one does not.
Well, shit. Now I need to retake it. I do my best, even take a weekend off of writing my fanfic, and try to get down everything I need for this test retake.
I took it yesterday morning, and got the results during my history class.
I failed by 20 points.
Woopdie- doo.
So, now I have a few options: let my current history class replace one of my two electives next year, most likely being my art class, OR I could take a summer class dedicated to history, and retake the test at the end of summer.
As you can guess, I'll be doing the second option. Which isn't so bad, as I can see why it would benefit me. The problem is that I would also be taking that next to my summer PE class, which I'm doing so that I don't need to take OR next year (which is giving me the extra elective in the first place), as well as my summer job, my 1- 2 week camp, and other.
I'm packed.
I'll do my best to update Wattpad reguarly, though. Even if i'm busy - bc who REALLY needs sleep? Lmao.
Though, honestly, I'm not sure if i'm even sad.
I was super bummed yesterday, like, crying- all- through- last- period bummed, but I woke up this morning with a better attitude.
Maybe (definetly tbh) I could have studied harder. It was my mistake to slack off. However, my teacher (s) did little to be any actual help. So whose fault is it, really? Who knows, and who cares. I'm not going to let a test ruin my mood, and dampen my life. I'll take the summer class, I'll work hard, I'll make the most out of it, and if I fail a THIRD time, then i'll keep working until I pass, even if it takes me the rest of my fucking high school career. Because I'm not going to let a fucking test grade decide my mood, nor my future. I'm better than that, and I can learn to be the hard worker I want to be. This does not define me.
It broke my heart to see that I failed a second time, especially when my own twin brother got an advanced score on the first try - but I'm not going to drown myself with pity. I can do this. I'm stronger than this. I'm the fucking controller of my life, and I'll decide if I'm happy or not, because happiness is a choice.
Ok, I feel better letting that all out now. Sorry for being all dramatic and preachy over there.
Thanks if you read this, I just wanted to get some feelings out. Like I said, my stories will be updated as normal until further notice. I will actually be writing my newest chapter of "Dark Waters" after I write this.
I love you guys, and thanks for all the great support you've given me. You have made me feel so much better about my situation. Idk where I'd be without you all <3
- Alex