Love,Sex and Passion, Rumours arent always False

Peace

Its been about two weeks since the affair. Well technically it isn't an affair because i wasn't with anybody at the time, so really its not a crime, right? I don't know, i guess i'm just trying to find an excuse to just completely forget about everything. But i couldn't. I just couldn't.  There was something about him that just intrigued me, it made me want more, and I hated myself for that. He was interesting, he was a curious young man, he took the time to examine me and think about things, i didn't see that in much men, it made me fall for him. His looks were cute and all but that wasn't it, it was something much more, everyday i think about him, and everyday i refuse to think about thinking about him. Its complicated.
Anyway moving on (ironically its what i should be doing), 2 weeks have gone by, and in those past two weeks, I have spoken to everyone who was concerned about me, Aldo, Barnev, Elisa..
And no if your wondering, I haven't spoken to Kevan, but todays your lucky day because In exactly 3 hours, 21 minutes and 18 seconds I will be on the same stage as him. I didn't go to rehearsals, i knew it would make me nervous seeing him, i was disappointed in myself for that, i mean its completely selfish, it just is, I wasn't thinking about the 130 people who went out of their way to come to rehearsals, I just thought about myself, myself and my insecure thoughts and emotions, thats all, nothin else.

Time to head to the show, usually I go two hours before to get my make up done, but i didn't  feel like it today, if I had my way I would go on stage with no make up, scrapy hair and a bath robe, guess thats not how society works today, you always have to look a certain way or reach the expectations of certain people, its tiring, and its stupid. Speaking of looks, a lot of people tell me that I need to get my face done, but they've never told me what specifically needs to be done, i guess they mean my whole face is shit. The thing is though, I don't feel the need to get anything done, ageing is part of life wether we like it or not, its how we mature and grow physically and emotionally, so why do people spend all this time and money trying to 'fix' something that doesn't need to be fixed?..

I arrive at Caesers Palace and Im dieing to get something to eat, so I head to the buffet table and grab me a croissant and some cookies, then my brother Michel leads me into my dressing room, at this very point i'm not nervous at all, i'm just, well, okay maybe I'm a bit nervous! but i don't let it get to my head, i just continue with my make up and I head out to the elevator that leads to the stage, okay so at this point, Im Freaking Out, and surprisingly and i'm not nervous at all about 4,000 people coming to see my show in Las Vegas, or singing the hit songs that people travel across the world to see, I mean to be fair I should be nervous about these things, I really should! but i'm just not, you know what i'm nervous about?
Im nervous about that dumb ass, cute, tall, handsome, clear no cavity white teeth, slick hair Kevan thats who! Ugh it bugs me! it really does, and I have no idea what to do, so.. I make my way to centre stage and start the show.