One True Love

This is a short story and AU where you can only fall in love once is H2ovanoss.

SUICIDE!! Don't read if you can't handle it.
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I sat back quietly watching the love of my life speak his vows. The smile never leaving his face his eyes never straying from hers. They were beautiful the words were sculpted to perfection every syllable practiced and rehearsed. The love in his eyes never flickered they never changed. Not through all the years I've know him he's always loved her and I should be a happy. Hell I am happy but I can't help but feel the deafening thump in my chest as it tightened to the point I couldn't breath. I sat through the ceremony until they said their 'I do's and the party started. I gave him my congratulations and left. I couldn't stand to watch him be happy with the one and only person that could ever make him feel that way. Wishing it were me up there with him kissing him and hugging crying because I finally got my love to love me back.

That was nothing more than a flawed dream that never came true that never will be possible. Slamming my car door shut I took in a shaky breath. Wishing for all this to be a dream. For his soft tanned hands to be rubbing little circles in my back telling me that is was only a night mare that I was at home tucked into his side letting the pain out realizing that this was only a fucked up dream that means nothing. But it never happened. No this was reality and I needed to keep myself as far away from that selfish love and desire as possible.

Starting my car I pull out of the church parking lot and make my way to my cold hotel room. Silent tears running down my face at a failed attempt to make everything better that has gone on too long. Pulling into a open space I slowly made my way to the room stepping inside I let myself sob for the first time all week I let myself show the pain I have been feeling for years on end. The unrequited love I felt for that amazing Canadian and how it dragged me down until I was nothin more than a shell of my former self, back when I had a chance at love. Now all I can do is remind myself that he is not mine and never will be I will never get a chance to finish the mistake I had started all those years back.

We were drunk laughing gaming my small crush was nothing more than a soft buzz in my chest. I looked over to him as he looked at me and in my drunken state of mind I kissed him. It felt like fireworks to me my whole world lit up and I felt myself nearly melt into him. But it was ended abruptly when he pushed me back a question on his lips. The next day I told him it was nothing that it was only drunk the kiss that meant nothing to me. God was he happy, relived even that he wouldn't have to deal with a love sick child as his friend, someone that he could never love. It was a lie everything I ever said after that was a lie, that kiss meant the world to me. I started to dream of it I couldn't make videos without thinking of his lips on mine. When he finally found the one he wanted and loved it wasn't me. I was never one to jealousy so when it came running around the corner I pushed it away never letting what I wanted get in the way for them. He deserved better than me anyway Evan deserved to be happy with or without me even if it meant I live my life alone pinning of my closest of friends who slowly left me in the dust. I couldn't stop though no one ever could. I would watch his videos day after day watching the old ones where I was there when he would say my name gamer tag or not it was all I ever had to go on. So you could understand my surprise when the man I hadn't talked to in months sent me a message inviting me to his wedding.

I knew this was the last time I'd ever see him and I had left before I could give a proper goodbye. It doesn't matter he's happy he doesn't need to know about my pain the constant heart ache I feel everyday that drains me to the point I can't get out of bed. So here I am sobbing like the mess. Not so silently debating on how I should leave. Tell him the truth and never speak to him again or let it ball up inside of me until all I think about it how to get rid of it and when my eyes finally close never to open again dreaming in heaven of the boy I feel in love with that never could love me back. I chose the later and cried myself to sleep that night. The next morning I got on a plan leaving LA to go back home when my heart will be gone the place meant for it will never to be filled.

This is the end there is no one else I never found another because you can't you fall in love once and you need to be careful with your heart. Thinking back on my life I regret falling in love I regret not ending it sooner. Seeing as my channel chrashed after me and Evan stopped playing games. Luke moved to LA and we slowly stopped talking over the past two years.  Evans been married happily for three years now all the others forgot about me. I have nothing else to live for not my dog who just died not my parents or sister considering I was kicked from the house full of homophobes. Leaning back I feel the soft breeze whip my loose shirt around. The quiet of the country side was beautiful it almost made me want to live but I couldn't not with the stabbing pain in my chest that never lets up that I could never let go of. I took at step back nearly slipping. No I don't want it to be an accident I wanted it to be purposeful knowing that I wanted this and I finally got something I wanted. Gaining my balance I slowly leaned back and let the air falling around me calm my nerves. Within the split second all I could think about was my will that I gave everything I had to each of my friends with a note explaining everything, Evan getting my old knickknacks and every present and card he had ever sent me yet nothing speaking of my love for him everyone of my friends where told it wasn't their fault that it wasn't anyone's fault. I could only hope they didn't throw it all away. My final thought being those beautiful Canadian lips that I only ever got to kiss once yet never got a taste of. Letting out a sigh and close my eyes I felt my heart break then the split second pain that faded into darkness where my heart stopped and the bittersweet smile on my face never leaving.
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Okay yeah didn't end how you wanted sorry oh well I like stories like this though I am a relatively happy and chipper person. :P
~Grace