Air

7. Trains, Goodbyes, and Wheelchairs

Chapter 7

12 Days Later

Doctor Greenburg came in yesterday and told me that I definitely have bone cancer. I had no reaction, because I already grieved over my test results. I feel shocked that there was ever a time I could smile. I'm so depressed.

Yesterday I got moved to this hospital's cancer ward. They're doing all they can to help me.

And I start chemo next week. They said they had to sort out the details before just winging it and starting immediately.. My hair is going to fall out. My beautiful brown hair that I love so much is going to be gone. And I'll be bald.

And skinny. Unhealthy looking. Stared at in public. And miserable. Completely miserable. And hoping to end it all.

But I already decided. I'm going to fight. Not for myself, but for my family. For the baby. The unborn baby that I already love. It's great that I have something to look forward to. If I live, I tell myself, I get to see my new little brother or sister.

Dad and Mom are discussing what hospital I will be transported to. A cancer hospital. In the United States, because I'm still in the Bahamas. If we are lucky we'll find a great one in Alabama. Hopefully one not too far away from our house.

My phone remains shut off because every five seconds I get a text from one of my family members, school mate, or friends from youth group. That's the worst part, my friends from youth group. They are probably more worried than everyone else. I've known them since kindergarten. And of course, they've heard already. And they are probably flipping out.

It's terrible that I know that I'm causing pain for everybody I know. And Noah hasn't even called me. I wonder where he is. Probably mourning. Over me. Even though I'm not dead. But I could die. I try not to think about it like that, but honestly, that doesn't mean I can guarantee my life.

Jamie comes in. "Hey sweetie! What's going on? You okay?" She tries to be cheerful for my sake. Gosh would that be hard, having this job. Telling people it's okay. Spending time with them.

"Nothing," I grumble.

"Doesn't seem like nothing." She frowns. "Hun, wanna wheel around a little bit?"

I smile. "Sure." I've adapted to traveling around the hospital in a wheelchair. It was hard at first, but I've gotten good at steering.

With Jamie's help, I manage to get into my chair. I prop my bad foot onto the little foot platform and adjust my weight on the chair. It's nice to be up and about, because I haven't been out of bed for about three days.

Jamie opens the door, and I put my hands on the big wheels and turn them quickly I go forward, and turn around the bend quickly.

CRASH!

I bump into a nurse, making her cart tip over and land with a loud thud on the ground. She scurries to pick it up, gives me a look, and rushes off.

"I'm sorry!" I call after her, but she doesn't look back. I frown.

"Don't worry Jackie," Jamie reassures me. "That's just Rachelle. She get angry about everything. I bet she was grumpy already. Poor lady just got a divorce and she's taking it all out on her coworkers."

I nod and we keep walking. Well, in my case, rolling. We pass a room in which a little girl is crying. A little boy in a wheelchair has only one leg. He smiles and waves at me, and I smile back. I feel so horrible for him. Hospitals always make me feel so bad. I hate it. Mix that with the Clorox wipe smell and it's torture.

Suddenly I realize. How am I going to do this? I hate hospitals, and I'll have to practically make one my home.

You know what's weird? I feel horrible. Like I'm melting. I throw up a lot. But I don't feel like I have cancer. I don't know, I guess I expected it to feel more like cancer was something that lived inside me, but it doesn't. I don't even know what it feels like. A dream. No, a nightmare. A thing that haunts me. Stalks me. Like it's watching me.

But I know it isn't.

"Jamie? When did you first realize that this is what you wanted to do as a living?"

Jamie thinks a little. Her eyebrows furrow and her forehead wrinkles a bit. "Well, Jackie. It's a long story and I don't exactly like talking about it."

"Come on! You already told me part of it! Now you have to tell me the rest of it!"

Jamie frowns. "I guess I can."

We stop and Jamie sits down on a chair in the hall. I pull up my wheelchair. I try to get comfortable.

"Alright, Jackie. Here we go." Jamie starts. "Well, my brother was born in 1979, five years before me. He was the best brother a little girl could ever ask for.. His name was Michael. Michael got a job when he was sixteen, and he worked late hours because we were poor. He helped support our family. He'd always take the train home from work and sneak into my room and say goodnight to me. He'd say, 'Goodnight sweet pea.'

"Well, one night, Michael wasn't home at eleven. My parents didn't notice because they were asleep. I came downstairs, made some hot chocolate, and waited and waited and waited. Well, I waited until two in the morning and he still wasn't there. Then I got a phone call.

I ran to answer and saw that it was from the local hospital. I instantly picked it up because it could've been important. Well, it was for sure. They called to tell me that Michael has fallen between the platforms and was on the train tracks. People saw and they tried to help him up, but the train came and it was too late."

I gasp. Jamie pats my back. "Not exactly such a good story, huh?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Well it doesn't end there," Jamie smiles. "There's a little more to it."

"Tell me."

"Alright," she replies. "Well, they said that Michael was still alive, but he was probably going to die. They told us to come say goodbye. I ran upstairs quick as I could. I didn't stop running for all I was worth until I reached my parents room in the top floor, the attic. I started screaming and told them what the hospital had said. We put on our shoes and drove to the hospital.

"When we got into the room, he was barely alive. He had bandages all over and he was bleeding out. I sat down in a chair next to the bed and started to cry. He told me not to cry and stroked my hair. His legs were both bleeding real bad, and one foot was halfway torn off.

"Tears welled in his eyes and he told me, 'Goodnight, sweet pea. Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.' I started crying and told him goodnight too. He said, 'Now I can have sweet dreams 'cause you told me goodnight.' His eyes closed for the last time.

"Before he died, he said, 'It's beautiful. It's beautiful in Heaven. And I'm getting closer.' And Michael flatlined. His heart stopped. And that was the end of it. That's when I decided I wanted to help people keep their lives. That's why I wanted to be a surgeon."

I look up at her. "And you got your wish."

She nods and we sit in silence for a long time. "Goodbyes are sad," Jamie says.

That makes me feel horrible because she and I both know that we will have to say goodbye soon. I leave for my new hospital tomorrow. I have to do chemo in a week. I'll probably lose my hair in a matter of two weeks. I'll get really skinny. My cancer will show.

I don't want to have to say goodbye to my old life.

A.N. Yup, I'm sure this author's note just ruined the vibe of this chapter. Seriously, part of me died while writing this.  Now, you better read the next chapter. It's when Jackie gets transferred to a cancer hospital... I will be using Saint Jude's Research Hospital in Huntsville, Alabama as the hospital... Because it's a real hospital. Anyway, bye guys! Love you! -Maddy (P.S. This chapter is not edited)!