*Trigger Warning*
I'm so hungry... but I can't eat anything. I can't let myself do it. Because if I do, I'll just keep gaining weight and getting even more ugly. I don't know why I'm like this, I can't help it. I feel like every time I'm out of the house or every time I eat something people are like "Oh there's the fat girl" I just want to be normal. I just want to be pretty. I just don't know how. I try and try to keep a healthy diet and I actually like the feeling of being hungry because when I am hungry I know that I'm accomplishing my goal. But then people notice and they force me to eat and I fall into a even deeper hole of just hating me. I just wish that I can be comfortable with who I am but I can't. It's impossible. Harry's at the studio with the boys as I stand in the bathroom, looking into the mirror, trapped by my own thoughts. I take a deep breath and walk downstairs to our living room. I glance over at the kitchen as my stomach grumbles but I know I can't do anything about it. To keep my mind off of it, I turn on the TV . The Tv displays a perfect, gorgeous, and skinny model walking down the runway. Tears well up in my eyes and I turn off the TV. Why me? Why do I have to be like this? And have this body? I flinch when the front door opens and quickly wipe away my tears.
"I'm hoooooome!" Harry yells opening his arms wide with two bags in his hands. My head falls back with laughter. He is the only one who can make me laugh when I feel like...this. My smile drops when I realize what's in his hands.
"And I bear gifts!" He says as he takes two takeout containers from the bags. "Oh...um..." I get up and he gives me a passionate kiss. "Someone's in a good mood." I say stumbling a bit after the kiss. "I'm just happy to be home with my beautiful girl friend." He says putting his hands on my hips. My eyebrows furrow as I yet again get trapped in my thoughts. "Y/N? Are you okay, kitten?" He asks cautiously. "Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine." I say rubbing the back of my neck. I can't let him find out. He will just think I'm a freak and leave. I can't lose him. "I'm actually really tired. I'm going to go to bed." I say pecking his lips. "You're not going to eat first?" He asks, puzzled. "I'm not that hungry, Haz. I ate something while you were gone." Lies. I quickly go up the stairs before he asks any more questions. I go into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror and brush my teeth. I throw on one of Harry's t shirts and get into bed. My dark thoughts roll back in and tears stream down my face as I cry silently, trying not to bring attention to myself.
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Harry came in at some point of the night. His arm is wrapped around my waist and I'm cuddled into him tightly. I cautiously turn around on my other side so I'm facing Harry.
"Morning, Kitten," he mumbles sleepily with a small smile on his face. "Morning, Harry," I say snuggling deeper into his chest. "You need to get ready for work, Haz," I say sitting up and rubbing his head. He groans and pulls me back down into his arms. "Never," he says with a devious smirk on his face. I giggle and quickly make a break for it. I hop out of bed and race down the stairs stopping in the kitchen. No. I can't. I swiftly turn around and go back up the stairs, only to see an empty bed. My eyebrows furrow as I look in the bathroom and the hallway for Harry. "Harry! Where are you!" I yell. I'm interrupted by someone picking me up and throwing me over there shoulder. "Harry! Put me down!" I say laughing as he runs down the stairs with me thrown over his shoulder. He sits me down in one of our dining chairs. "I'll make breakfast. What would you like!" He says walking into the kitchen. "I'm going to grab breakfast on my way to work," I lie. He looks at me suspiciously and says "Are you sure?" I nod and go up stairs to get dressed. By the time I get up the stairs, I'm super out of breath and dizzy so I sit dow on the bed. Taking a deep breath, I stand up and get ready for work.
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"Bye, Haz!" I say and kiss him goodbye. "Bye, babe." He says and I walk out the door. My office is super close so I usually walk to work. I start feeling very dizzy and stumble a bit. And before I know it the world turns black.
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As I open my eyes, I am greeted by a blinding light and a sterile smell. Looking at my surroundings, I notice that I'm in a hospital room. My body aches with pain as flashbacks from what happened flood my mind. Harry's head lies on the hospital as he snores lightly. Harry. He knows. He's going to leave me. I'll be alone. Tears burn in my eyes and I choke on my tears. Harry's head shoots up and sees me crying. "(Y/n)! Baby, are you okay?" He asks hugging me tightly. All I do is sob into his chest. "I'm so sorry," I cry. "Baby, why are you sorry? This isn't your fault?" He says. He doesn't know. They haven't told him yet. The doctor walks into the room and gives me a smile. "Hello (Y/n), how are you feeling?" She asks me. I shrug. "Well, you know this (Y/n) but I don't think your boyfriend does. Miss (Y/l/n) fainted due to lack of nutrients in her body and that was the cause of the accident. It wasn't as severe so we can't diagnose it as anorexia but you do need to eat, honey. Starving yourself is never the answer." Silence. "Ill leave you two alone," she says exiting. I look over at Harry and notice the tears running down his face. "It's my fault." he says. "What?" "It's my fault. I didn't notice that you were hurting. I'm so sorry, kitten. I'm the worst boyfriend ever." He says letting out his tears. "No, Harry! It's not your fault. It's no ones fault but mine! I love you so much, Harry," I say pulling him into a hug. "We'll get through this. Together." he whispers into my ear. And I believe him.
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Hey Guys!
The beginning part was actually a text message that I almost sent my friend last night.
So...... yeah.
Bye! 💗
