I'm afraid that I... [Ryan X Reader]

Thank you

Your POV

I put the jacket on and threw my old hoodie in a corner. I didn't care where it would land. He chuckled lightly as he saw what I just did. Now that I wore the jacket and was feeling way more confident I walked over to him and looked at what he cooked. Noodles and tomato sauce. I smiled when I saw this. "I'm starving!", I told him in an overly annoyed tune. He turned his head at me and looked at me rather worried. "I'm know. It's nearly ready to go.", he said and looking at the food again as of that would it make cook faster. I really lost some weight down there, huh?

I walked towards the table and sat down while flinching. The chair was wooden and didn't exactly help when my body hurt so much in general. Ryan turned around worried. "That doesn't look very comfy... if you want you can lie down in my room. I'll come later.", he said motioning towards his room. I nodded and got up again. The pain was still there. No matter how much I tried to ignore it. At least I tried to hide it.

I made my way to Ryan's room. It was rather messy but I couldn't blame him. Mine at home didn't look any better. Cloths on the floor. School stuff here and there. A notebook lay next to his bed. A diary? And an old looking guitar was in the corner neatly placed. I didn't look like it belonged to this room. I wonder how often Ryan used it. Probably not often. I was sure that his mother would be furios if she heard him. That beast. I was happy she was still down there.

I let my body lie down on his bed. I sighed. It felt really good to lie on something soft again. I inhaled and could smell him. Ryan. His smell was in the sheets of this bed and it was calming. I turned to the side and grabbed onto the blanket hugging it. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sounds that were located in the kitchen. I heared plates and forks and pots and the boiling sauce. It sounded like home. My breath began to get more even. The bruises didn't hurt that much on the soft bed. Eventually I drifted into sleep. I had only now realised how tired I really was.

When I woke up again the room was dark. It was night. I could still smell tomato sauce but something else was odd. I felt warmth around me. The blanket was on top of me. I looked around further and located Ryan on the floor with an old shirt as pillow. That poor boy. I got up slowly trying to make no sounds. I pulled the blanket out of the way so the bed was now free. I got over to Ryan and tried to lift him up. It hurt like hell but he didn't deserve sleeping on the floor. He kinda woke up and babbled something I didn't understand. He just followed my instructions very sleepy and as soon as he lay on the mattress he was in deep sleep again. I could hear his breath smoothing out again. His torso going up and down. He looked so calm.

I felt a urge to lie down next to him. My muscles tensed up and my heart beat got faster. Was it too early? But what else am I supposed to do... I spotted the plates on Ryan's table. One half full the other one full. I decided I should eat something first. Well not I decided but my body. My stomach hurt a bit and I didn't feel good. I ate all up. One and a half potions. I felt better after that. But the bed still looked so comfortable and the urge got stronger. I just... I don't know... it's not weird if I lie there, right? I could just lie there. Like back to back, right?

I got up and went over to the bed. Ryan still deep asleep. I lay down as careful as possible. Slipping under the covers. I did what I had planned. Back to back. I could hear him breath. Soft and steady. I wanted to turn around so bad. I wanted to have him close. Not behind my back. I raised my head a couple times in his direction but decided not to turn around. I didn't know if he would want it as much as I did. Eventually I was able to sleep. His steady breath like a lullaby.

I slowly woke up again. The room was dipped in sun light again. I didn't know how late it was. I didn't care either. I felt a soft wind down my neck every now and then. I didn't mind it. Then I spotted something around my waist. It was his arm. Ryan was behind me. Right behind me. His body pressed against mine. I didn't hurt but I felt the warmth. My heart began to beat faster. He was still asleep... right? My breath got faster. Ryan readjusted his head a bit and I felt his nose against my neck. I began to shiver. Not bad shivering but good. I was just a little nervous and happy. Excited.

Ryan stretched his arms and pulled me closer. I hitched a breath because he hit a bruise accidently. That seemed to have woke him up. He immediately let go of me. But he didn't move away. I felt the wind on my neck. He breathed faster. I was getting cold because he lifted the blanket with his arm. I breathed three times before I did what I wanted to. I grabbed his hand and placed it around me again. Maybe scooting a little closer 'accidently' while doing so. My heart beat was fast and I knew that his was too. My face heat up. But as embarrassed and nervous as it was as safe I felt. In his arms.

After a while our breathes were normal again and he had rested his forehead against my neck. Now breathing down my spine which let me shiver. I had his hand still in mine and he had begun to brush his fingers over my knuckles. I smiled to myself. I never felt so homely. Now that he was there. That he held me close.

We remained like this for at least an hour. I knew that he wasn't sleeping and he knew that I wasn't. I had our hands pulled up to my chin by now. "Why?" I felt the warm air against my neck again. He had lifted his head. "Why what?", I asked after I turned my head a little. Eventually I turned onto my other side facing him. We were still close to each other and out hands still intertwined. My other hand played with his fingertips. "Why haven't you left?", he whispered not looking into my eyes. He looked at our hands. Normally these words would spend like am insult but I knew that's not how he meant it. "You have so many reasons to leave.", he added. I shook my head lightly. "Maybe. But I have one reason to stay and that one reason is more important to me. That one reason is more important to me since the first day of school.", I answered honest. At the beginning I may ignored that feeling but it was there right at the start. Ryan just nodded. I looked up at him but he didn't look at me. He was still looking at our hands. I felt sorry for him. He looked like a little puppy. "I won't leave soon either. We have to tell my parents that I'm alive and hand your mother to the police. Then they'd probably search a family for you... but I will convince my parents that you can stay with us. I'll make place in my room and...", I began but was interrupted by his thumb on my lips. His hand on my cheek softly. I blushed but didn't talk any longer. I brushed over my lips a few times and looked at me in a daze. I just let all happen. Ryan took his thumb away from my lips just to replace it. He leaned over and placed his lips on mine gently. I was shocked. But not negative. So not shocked. More like surprised. My heart jumped around and I closed my eyes. His lips were warm and soft. I didn't want to let them go but eventually he pulled away. Our foreheads resting on each other. I didn't thought that Ryan would do something like that to be honest. I thought he was too shy for that but it seems that I've won against that feeling.

Now he locked eye contact with my brushing my cheek with his thumb. His face had a pinkish touch and I bet mine was red. But the though of his fingers on my cheek was tingling through my bones. The kiss had caused the famous butterflies in my mouth and his eyes had stolen me from reality.

"Thank you."