Should've Been Me

Then

He doesn't love me.

I chocked back a sob as I watched him walking away, as I replayed what had just happened in my devastated mind.

He said he'd loved me. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and told me. He had loved me, he said. Immediately I realised his use of past tense, I deflated. My heart sank to my very soles. I wanted to leave the warm shade of the leafy flamboyant tree with it's bright flowers and run, run far away unto the busy road, down the street, past Charlix place and keep running until I could move no more. But the same feeling that compelled me to meet him here against all odds, kept me rooted to the spot, staring into his dark, expressive eyes.

Jeremy said he was breaking up with his girlfriend because he just wasn't feeling it anymore. In the short time I'd known him this was the second time he'd broken up with a girl because he "just wasn't feeling it". I had hoped that that would be all, that he would say no more because I wanted this to mean he wanted me. But that's when he said it.
It wouldn't be fair to Ayo that was his excuse. It wouldn't be fair to Ayo because Ayo was one of his closest friends. He basically just told me "bros before hoes" i felt sick.

I'd been in love with Jeremy for five months, ever since our moment in that tiny kitchen that summer. I fell so deeply that it took my breath away. That day, before i even got home, excitement caused me to whip out my phone and start texting him. I bared my heart out. How stupid I was.
I told him how he was by far the 'hottest' guy I had ever met, we teased each other about our looks. It felt wonderful. I was so happy. Even now, I cringe at my childishness and how over eager I was.

My heart started to beat faster whenever he texted. My days were filled with thoughts of him and within a few days I had confessed my feelings for him. I told him I thought I might be in love with him. How stupid of me.

That was how it began. One thing led to another and although he had said he loved me too, now he was looking into my eyes and telling me he didn't love me. Not anymore.
It wasn't his words but his sincerity that broke me. It cut deep into my fragile fifteen year old heart like a rusty knife and made tears well up in my eyes.

He left then, having said it all...