Should've Been Me

2

The dress was hideous!

Again. Again life had been mean to me, crushing my confidence.

The dress was meant for the cultural day. It had taken me weeks to decide on the style and finally, just a week to the d-day, I had had the dress sown.
So then, the night before, I was facing a horrible disaster.

My dress!

I was busy thanking my stars that I had only invited two people for the day; my boyfriend, Mitch and Justin.
I didn't really want Mitch to see me in this shapeless dress, we had been dating for almost three months yet I still felt painfully shy around him. Justin on the other hand... I felt so comfortable with him. He was easy going and fun and for a few weeks before, he'd been dropping hints, calling just to 'hear your voice'. I didn't take him seriously, not then at least.

At the end there was absolutely nothing I could do. It was too late and I had sworn not to miss this day. That morning, I put on the dress, fluffed the hideous sleeves and held my chin up high. One word. Confidence.

My life changed.

The sun was so bright and so high up in the sky, I felt myself sweating in my sleeves.
By then, after about a year in HLC, I had met some crazy girls. These five crazy girls are now my best friends. They all looked lovely in their cultural clothes and before long, I almost forgot all my agitation.

But I still couldn't sit still. Justin was coming...soon! He was and still is one of the most popular people in the area, not because of his looks because truth be told, he was pretty ordinary, but because of his sheer kindness and cool nature. That was probably why I fell for him.

I walked to and from the school gates so many times that Fran had to tell me to calm down. Fran knew Justin then, she was one of the few who did.
Eventually, after countless butterflies, there he was. I saw his smiling face first, before I spotted his tall, skinny body with legs trapped in tight jeans. Tinashe started laughing.

She laughed, not because anything was funny, but probably because she didn't know how to react. Justin didn't notice, I certainly didn't notice...I was captivated.

Later that day, when Justin left very hesitantly, he sent me a text. He said I was beautiful. I felt complete. Boys flocked around me, begging for my attention, I was dating a popular playboy, so I was used to compliments like that. The difference is, coming from Justin, it made me feel. I felt things I had never felt before. I even forgot that Mitch didn't show up eventually. Justin took over my mind.

It seemed perfectly natural that Justin and I would kiss, and then go further than that even before we started dating.

It happened a week after the cultural day. We went out and later that day, at the local snacks shop, Justin kissed me. The kiss was the highlight of my fifteen years. We kissed for what seemed like forever, and as he walked me home, he held my hand. He entwined his own fingers in mine and looked at me as if I 'was the only girl in the world' he made me feel wanted.

Mitch was history to me even though we hadn't broken up. He made me feel useless and stupid. He hardly called and left my texts unreplied. I had been played. I felt glad to have met someone like Justin at a time like that. Justin was the rebound that stayed.

On our second date, we explored. It felt totally natural for Justin to touch, squeeze, stroke my most hidden places. I felt no guilt whatsoever. It was the beginning of the new me.

By the third date we had reached third base. It moved way too fast, and looking back now, I realised I should've slowed things down, but it felt too good. Justin asked me to be his girlfriend then. I knew it was only a matter of time, but I still felt torn.
I knew Mitch was a terrible jerk but I loved him. It took me a long painful week to decide. I cried a little, the last tears I shed for Mitch. I called Justin to meet me at the snacks shop.
I didn't have time, I was jittery and scared, but under the shade on that cool evening, I told Justin how I broke up with Mitch. Then I said yes.

It was the day I ended the painful relationship and started a brand new one.

I wasn't sorry about making Justin break up with his new girlfriend or even breaking him and his girlfriend before that up. I was just so happy.
Justin was mine.