Reflection

"The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living."-Socrates

To tell you I had an amazing experience in 7th and 8th grade would be a lie. I still couldn't tell you my experience is good. I started 7th happy. I had my friends, and together we could do anything. I met new people who I soon took a liking to. But no one could compare to my friend that I knew since 6th grade. For sake of privacy, we'll call her Shea. I had known Shea since 6th, when she came to our school in October. I got to know her, and we entered 7th grade best friends. So when we met people, it didn't matter that we had more friends, we new we would always have each other. All my friends and I were happy.

Then, everything changed. One of my friends left. Then another. Shea and I knew we had other friends, but we still missed them. It slowly got worse after that. See, one thing about me before I continue with this, you have to understand that I have depression. It might not seem like it, but hey, what can you do? Anyways, I slowly fell into a depressed state for absolutely no reason. Then, one day, Shea and I were told that we had to go with our class to the math room for a special thing they had to talk to us about. The program ended up being about depression and suicidal thoughts. They gave us all a piece of paper asking if we wanted help for either ourselves or someone else. So I put that I wanted help. All I wanted was help.

At this time, please note I lived in Pawtucket, and had since kindergarten. I was attending a Central Falls school. When they found out, everything happened so fast, but so slow. I remember the day coming home, when my grandmother told me that for 8th grade I'd have to leave everything behind, my friends, my teachers, my school, and most importantly to me, My Shea. I remember locking myself in a room, and just not being able to stop crying. I had lost everything I had come to love. Just because I wanted help, I had lost everything.

Soon after, one of our friends got upset with Shea and I, and didn't talk to us. SHe was one of our closest friends, but if you read the things she said about us, you would have never guessed. So soon, it was just Shea and I, with our other two friends. I was slowly losing everything, one of my friends announcing he would be moving to Missouri. I knew that I always had Shea, but for how much longer? We mainly saw each other during school, and I wouldn't be there forever. Not anymore. The end of the school year came too quickly. I knew, when going to the last day of school, that it would be my last time in the school, not just for the school year, but forever.

Summer quickly passed and what followed was my first day at Jenks. I don't like talking to people, so I don't make friends easily. Apparently, that was fine for this one girl I met here. I asked her if anyone sat next to her, and soon after that we were talking. She introduced me to some of her friends, who I still talk to. But one of her friends she introduced me to had classes with me. Even though most times he annoyed me, he introduced me to some of the friends I still have today, and for that I will be ever grateful.

As I started spending more times with my new friends, I sometimes found myself forgetting about my old friends and Shea. I felt like the worst friend ever. How could she be at the other school, where I knew she didn't really have friends, and I was here forgetting about her? I felt bad for being happy. The school year passed very slowly. As time ticked by, even though I had other friends, I slowly missed Shea more and more. Finally, during April break, I got to see my sunshine again. I had missed her so much. It hurt to have to leave when I did, and we haven't seen each other since then. I still miss her, and think about her everyday. I remember when we used to talk about the houses we would live in when we grew up, and our dream careers. I remember us talking about me becoming president. Those were the good days.

Reflecting on my life the past two years, I realise that I was lucky. Even though some days it hurts a lot, I was lucky to meet my old friends and Shea at all. I don't know where I'll be in 5 to 10 years. Looking back on these two years, I have to say my biggest goal would be staying alive and not committing suicide. Other than that, I don't really see achievements as other people do. Like, when I got my acceptance letter to Davies, I was happy, yeah, but not as happy as everyone else was. Which I didn't really understand. I mean, it was my dream high school, why was everyone else so happy? Looking at the future gives me anxiety. I've always hated change, and now I see soon I'll be going to high school, then in two years, driving, and then -, well, you get the point. I see that I've been kind of forced to grow up too soon, taking care of my Grandmother and five year cousin. Not that I'm complaining, I love them. But I kind of wish I didn't have to try so hard in school, I wished I wasn't pushed and expected to be the best at everything I do. I wish I could be young for a while longer. But, after all, what's the point of growing up if you can't be childish sometime.