Mortis

16.

He just stared at me.

Giant blue eyes that used to feel like home suddenly felt vast and empty. They were cold, void of any emotion.

The silence hurt my ears. I could hear my own heart pound loudly to remind me that I was still alive.

"John," I said for what felt like the hundredth time.

A blank stare was all I got in return.

My hand trembled. I was glued to my spot at the foot of his bed. Why couldn't I move to his side? Make him answer me.

You're afraid to touch him. You're afraid of what's happening.

"John," I said again.

He stared at me and blinked slowly. His head was bandaged like some sort of soldier who had just been in battle. His eyes looked too big for his face as it had withered into a gaunt imposter.

It suddenly hit me like wave. The panic rose from my toes, up my legs, torso, chest and face. It was like a warm fluid that raced its way up my veins. I opened my mouth involuntarily and began to laugh. Why was I laughing? I couldn't stop laughing.

My chest felt tight and I thought I was going to vomit everywhere.

"John," I said through a locked jaw.

My extremities tingled slightly.

Suddenly, John's face changed. It was a miniscule change, a tiny uplifting of the corner of his mouth.

He was smiling. I had my best friend back in that instant.

I tried to move, but found myself unable to.

"You are so...so pretty, Hayden Marshall," he said. "I'm sorry I never told you that sooner."

My eyes welled with tears as I finally stopped laughing.

"Oh, John. John. John. John." I wiped at my face and ran shaking hands through my hair.

You have to get closer to him. You have to tell him. You have to show him.

"John," I whispered into the silent room.

He gave me the blank stare again. Just like that, the smile was gone.

I was shocked to see that I was suddenly moving towards him. My feet were bringing me closer to him. I held my hand out. I wanted to feel his skin on mine. I wanted to hold his face in my palms and make my home in those blue eyes once more.

"No," he said.

I stopped in my tracks as if his words had all the power over me.

"John, please," I whimpered. I sounded like a child. I sounded like 5-year old Hayden who wouldn't want her mom to leave her next door for days and weeks. I sounded desperate, afraid.

He kept his cold eyes on mine and grimaced. "I want you to leave."

"John," I said as I felt the hysterical laughter and warmth make its way up my body.

"Hayden, listen to me," his gaze never left mine. "If you ever loved me, you'll stay away from me. Don't ever come back here looking for me."

A sob ripped through my throat and I could feel my knees begin to buckle.

"John...John I-"

His dead eyes were unflinching. He hardly even blinked. He almost reminded me of Mortis in that moment. He looked like a corpse, a soulless corpse whose eyes were ready to be plucked out by hungry crows.