Thoughts of Tony fly through my head day and night, there is no end to my thoughts.
I can't stop. I've tried. I thought being in a serious relationship with someone else would help so I dated Roy. Yes I've got to admit he is very handsome but not as handsome as Tony.
I can't believe I'm saying this but I've got a HUGE crush on Tony, I just don't like to admit it.
Last night I was arguing with Roy and It was such a stupid fight, I can't even remember why.
As we were yelling at each other, I blurted out that I love Tony and he was only a stone I used to step closer to Tony.
He was not happy.
He was so mad that I had used him that he yelled how stupid I was and some other insults and then slapped me, right across my left cheek.
I've been shot by bullets but this slap, it was painful.
I couldn't help myself from collapsing on the floor.
When I woke up this morning, my left cheek was swollen and coloured bright blue, green and purple.
Great, now everyone is going to know something happened.
Instead of stressing about it, I decided to go down to the gym early in the morning while no one was there and take my anger out on the punching bag.
Also meanwhile, I can make up a story about my cheek.
Hopefully they will not ask questions.
That's where I am now. In the gym.
Like I suspected, there is no one here. Not a person to be seen.
I quickly walk over to one of the punching bags and start to have a go at it. I don't bother with placing tape around my hand.
With each punch, I let go of a little bit of anger or sadness.
"I hate myself!" I tell as I punch the leather bag of sand.
As I take another swing, I yell, "Why doesn't he love me?!"
I keep punching the bag, not feeling the throbbing pain in my hands where the leather whips my bare skin.
As I punch faster and faster, my yelling becomes louder and louder.
"What is wrong with me?!"
"What have I done!?"
"What will they think of me?!"
"I'm a slut!"
As I continue to yell, I become angrier and angrier until I no longer yell, instead I start to scream.
I keep screaming and screaming in frustration until I feel a searing pain in my right hand.
I look down to find it dripping in thick, red blood.
I run around, trying to find the nearest first aid box but I can't find one anywhere.
In the end I have to improvise so I take my t-shirt off, leaving me in my sports bra and shorts, I rip my t-shirt and wrap it around the wound as a makeshift bandage until I get to my desk at 8.
Once my cut is tightly wrapped up, I start to punch the bag again, wincing at every punch I do with my right hand but I take it and continue to punch.
After a while, I can't feel the pain anymore and my punches becomes faster as my anger catches up with me again.
I hear footsteps come closer and closer but I ignore them and continue to punch the bag.
I try to calm myself down and slow down my punches but it just makes my anger worse.
"Why should I calm down?" I ask myself.
"It's not my fault I'm not good enough for him".
Again, my punches become faster and faster and I don't stop until I hear a cough from the doorway.
I spin around to find Tony standing at there, watching me in surprise.
"What are you looking at?" I hiss, as I start to slowly punch the bag again.
"Umm..." Tony replies as his mouth hangs out.
"Tony, your going to trip over your bottom lip if it goes any further" I growl.
"Oh... Yeah sorry" he mumbles but he continues to watch me.
As I keep punching the bag, I forget he is even there.
Well, that was until he spoke up, asking, "What happened to your hand?"
"Nothing" I mumbled in return.
"It can't be nothing Ziva, you have your t-shirt wrapped around it" he replied.
"I cut it, that's all, I'll live" I snapped back at him, almost instantly regretting my tone of voice.
"Sorry" I tell him as I throw my arms up in frustration.
"It's fine" He says as he walks onto the mat and takes my hand in both of his.
Just the touch of his hands makes me blush under the bruise on my cheek.
He starts to unravel the t-shirt to reveal the bloody cut.
For a slight second, he let's go of my hand as he reaches for his bag. I feel the warmth of his touch leave my body and leaving me cold but then his heat reappears again as he wraps a bandage around my wounded hand.
Once he has finished, he places both of his hands on my cheeks, causing me to flinch in pain.
I try to keep the pain inside so that he can't see it but he sees right through me and instantly removes his hand.
"What's wrong with your cheek?" he asks worryingly.
"Nothing" I mutter.
"Just tell me Ziva" he says frustratedly.
"Fine, umm... I fell down the stairs and smacked my cheek on the banister at the same time" I quickly said.
"Really?" he questioned.
"Yes, really, it's true" I replied.
"Fine, I will not ask any more questions, but remember Ziva, I care about you... Alot so you can tell me anything" he smiled.
"Ok" I replied as he placed a quick kiss on my lips.
"Ziva, I have loved you for such a long time" Tony says before kissing my lips again.
"I know" I reply.
"I love you too and always have done" I say into his lips.
