Just Live For Me

Helen

August 6, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Try explaining to your two best friends why your boyfriend is sitting alone in the corner desk instead of beside you talking to you, in class. Thank god the first day is a half-day.

August 8, 2012

Dear Diary,

         I have my answer.

         Today In school I saw Jake walking (alone as always) to Science, our next class, and this boy (I think his name is Kevin) shoved him against the wall of the hallway and asked him if he was “ready to take Helen’s place yet?” I had no idea what he was talking about and I just thought it was some stupid thing until moments after Kevin left. Jake just walked out of the school…

         I found him in his car crying with his head smashing against the steering wheel. The letters H and M were freshly scratched into his left forearm. (They were maybe a day old, but you could tell he’d traced hit with pencil all day). I didn’t ask and he didn’t tell who Helen was, and why she made him cry. I just sat in the passenger seat for the rest of the day holding his hand, and telling him how sorry I was for not trying to help him sooner. The only things he told me was that he loved me… and that it wouldn’t be difficult for him to die for me.

         When I got home I Googled Jake’s name and then the name Helen (just to see if maybe she was well known or maybe facebook friends) … There were over 120 results for a thirteen-year-old girl named Helen Marie Masson. Apparently last year Jake and Helen were in a terrible car crash and Helen didn’t make it…

Jake was driving the car…

I’d heard about it before in the papers but I completely forgot the names. But that jackass Kevin and a couple of his friends have been harassing Jake since the accident. They say it’s his entire fault and that HE should have died instead! No wonder Jake cuts. What worse pain than being forced to believe you caused your only sibling’s death?

         I can understand why he never wanted me to be in his classes. Kevin was in them too. He never wanted me to know.

August 9, 2012

Dear Diary,

         Jake wasn’t in school today. He texted me love letters all day that included a lovely amount of him saying that I was his whole world. They also included a scary amount of him saying he’d die for me… him dying is that last thing I’d want him to do for me.