Something Name

What's In a Name?

Hayden Ambrosure. That's my name. It's a something name. Not good, not bad.

My mother says it's a wonderful name. My dad says it's a beautiful name. My older sister says it's a unique name. I say it's an ugly name. A horrible name. A wretched name.

Kids at school don't care about my name. In fact, they don't say it at all. My favorite name is Everhee Ebede. She's a soccer player on the East Manitowoc High School soccer team. Her name is pretty, with all the E's and the low letters mixing with the high letters.

I wish I had been named Everhee. I wish I had been named something that kids couldn't make fun of. Like Anna. Or Mary. Hayden is a name kids can make fun of. Hell-den. Hay-devil. Hayden Ambro-snitch.

Kids are mean. They make your anxiety rage. They make you want to snap their faces off. Or scream at them, "I'm a human too, same as you!" Because you are a human. Or at least, you think so. Maybe you are from Hell. Maybe you are a devil. Maybe you are a snitch. Or maybe, you're a normal person. Well, more like as far away from normal as you can get.

I have anxiety. And no, I'm not just saying that for attention. Trust me, people think I'm just a stuck up attention hog. I truly have it. I even have prescriptions and a "feelings doctor" as my mom calls her.

She has a pretty name too. Arabella Zaladaine. She tries to help. She keeps telling me to "be positive" and "try to think of the good things." But sometimes, it doesn't work. I always try to be happy. I try to be an optimist. But every morning, I still put on my mask, to try and hide from the world.

I have to take a pill every day. It's called Prozac. It's an SSRI, which means that it increases a chemical in the brain called serotonin. Low serotonin levels are what make up anxiety. I get nauseous and lose a lot of weight because of it though. It helps make me more relaxed. Usually.

I have one friend in school. She was the one who saw through my mask. Scarlett Adler. She has the best name. It's perfect. I like color names. Amber. Violet. Jade. Rose. Sky. They're all beautiful, just like Scarlett's. She has light rose-brown hair and sharp hazel eyes. She's a musical prodigy. She plays piano and guitar, she sings in the Honors Choir and she plays trumpet in the school band. Every music teacher she's ever had has loved her. She the best friend someone could ever have.

I'm not as amazing as her. I'm not as pretty, or as talented, or even as liked.

I have dark auburn hair, dull blue-grey eyes, freckles splattered across my face, and a bad fashion sense. 

And I know I'm just a stupid nobody.