Cruel

Back to school

     "Dad?" I was very afraid to tell him I wanted to go back to public school again. I knew he would be upset and afraid.
     "Yes Jade?" He sounded exhausted and very upset. He had a slight tremble in his voice and his tone was soft.
     "It's been a year and a half, I think its time for me to go back to public school." My voice was shaking. I was expecting him to look up at me and yell. But he didn't, he was shockingly okay with it. I guess he thought I was better. And the truth is I have no clue if I'm better.
  He called the school the next day and asked to re-enroll me. They said I could start on Monday, that gave me a week to prepare myself. I haven't been out of the house much so I'm gonna have a little trouble adjusting to school again. My father took away my laptop and phone and said I could only go online when he's home and supervising everything I do online. So I could only listen to music, watch movies, and play games. I wasn't allowed on any social media because he was afraid of me getting "ideas" and he was afraid of what people might say about me.
  I still had all my school clothes from sophomore year I haven't grown since, but I guess its because both my mom and dad are short. I just had to get supplies for school. I'm in my senior year and for some reason I feel like I'm going to a new school. I only took a year and a half off though and I remember my school like I remember the back of my hand. I think I'm ready and I'm hoping everyone has forgotten about me so I can start fresh. I'm not sure what I'm expecting things to be like, I know I'll never feel the way I did before my mom died. I'm willing to try though, I'm not expecting to get my old friends back and I do not want Nick back. Yeah sure he was captain of the football team and he was my first kiss and he was good looking but if I'm being honest I was never attracted to him like I should've been. I know this sounds messed up but I dated him because we were the schools "it" couple and my parents loved him.

Monday Morning
     "Are you ready to back to school?" My father asked me with no actual concern in his voice. I personally think he was asking to be nice.
     "You know dad, I think I am. I'm ready to start fresh and get back to where I used to be." I tried to sound as enthusiastic as I possibly could but the truth is I'm nervous. What if everyone starts bullying me again? What if its worse this time?
     Dad grabbed his wallet and keys off the table and offered to drive me to school. I told him I wanted to ride my bike, considering the school isn't far. I mean we do live in a small town in North Carolina.
     I get on my bike and I take the shortcut through the woods behind my house to get to school. I chain my back to the rack and re-adjust my backpack. I walked into the front office and I asked for my schedule. I have no AP classes not even honors classes. I walk into my first class- Chemistry with Mrs. Wade- the whole class went silent the minute the door opened. Everyone was staring and some people were even whispering. I took my seat all the way in the back and I didn't say a word the entire class period. Mainly because I feel like if I did I would have an Anxiety attack right then and there. When the bell rang I walked pass my old locker, it was beaten up and there were still horrible things taped to the door.
    "Hey Jade." I couldn't make out the voice I was in my own little world inside my head. After a few moments I glanced over and it was Nick, Elizabeth and Courtney.
    "Hey guys, its been a while." I wasn't sure what to say to them. Frankly I am a bit shocked because Courtney and Nick are holding hands right in front of me. I'm not jealous just surprised because from what I remember they hated each other.
    "Yeah it has been a while. How are you?" Elizabeth asked but she didn't really seem liked she cared. She probably just wanted to be polite.
    "I'm much better thanks. And how are you guys?" I didn't really care either. Truth is this isn't a part of my plan for a fresh start.
    "We've all been good. I'm glad to hear you're doing better." Courtney seemed genuinely happy for me. But I still didn't believe it. Nick didn't even make eye contact with me. It was a bit awkward but I didn't really care.
    "Thank you." I smiled politely. The ball rang and we all scurried to our classes. When I walked into my next class- which was health- people didn't seem to care I was back except for the few girls in the back. They looked at me and then turned to each other and giggled. I didn't pay mind to them. We spent the entire time learning about mental illness like depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. Considering I suffered from two of those mental illnesses and the entire class knew, some people kept looking back at me.
By the time the next bell rang it was time for lunch I walked down the hall alone to the lunch room and took a seat at an empty table in the corner of the room.
  "Hey there...freak." My heart stopped for a split second as I glanced over to see Gabby and her minions , Rebecca and Jamie -Gabby was the popular girl who hated me for becoming homecoming queen freshman and sophomore year- standing by my table. They stood there giggling and I sat there panicking. "Did they finally let you out of the insane asylum? I heard you tried to kill yourself, well actually the entire school heard. Such a shame your dad stopped you before you could pull the trigger." I didn't say a word, I wasn't sure what I should say or if I could even speak at all. I grabbed my things and ran out of the lunch room. I went to the girls locker room and locked the door. I turned on one of the showers and cried so no one could hear me. I was hoping everyone would've forgotten. I can't believe this was happening again. My heart was pounding, my mind was racing, I couldn't breath. After about a half hour, lunch was over and I decided to pick myself up and continue with my day. It was only three girls. Its only my first day back. I'm stronger than this.
  I walk into my next class -Geometry- and all I see is Gabby and her minions sitting in the back corner. I take a deep breath and take my seat.
  "Excuse me, Mrs. Parks?" Gabby interrupted the entire discussion but since she's popular and is the student body president, she gets away with it.
  "What is it Gabby?" Mrs. Parks seemed very agitated for some reason.
  "I don't feel comfortable being in this class with a freak who tried to kill her self just like her mother did." She giggled and the entire class stood silent all you could hear was my racing heart. I ran out the door and to the locker room again. This time I didn't leave till it was time to go home.