Afraid 2

nineteen

** TRIGGER WARNING OF SUICIDE **

Niall is my husband, I live with him. I haven't spoken to him in almost a week. It was eating away at him inside I could tell.

The "war" had ended. The kids had come home. Nothing was normal.

"Mom!" Corissa screamed.

"Oh my god what?!" I yelled. She jumped and stepped back in fear. Her eyes began to well with tears. I looked at her confused as to why she was crying.

"I'm sorry mommy." She said crying.

"Ugh! Don't be sorry! Mommy is sorry!" I said hugging her tightly.

"Me and Diana and Logan want to go play outside. Can we?" She said wiping tears away.

"Yes. Let's go put on out bathing suits and have some fun." I said with a smile but still wanting to explode from all my stress.

I finished getting the kids ready and we all went outside.

I applied sunscreen to the kids and put on their floats.

They all jumped and played while Dylan slept beside me in a shaded seat.

"Mommy watch this!"

"Mom over here!"

"Mama!!"

They were all yelling having fun and it was so good to have them all home. The house was to quiet without them. I glance over to look at Dylan who is still sleeping.

"MOM!" Logan screamed and I looked over to see Diana underwater.

I leaped from my seat and jumped into the refreezing cold water not caring about anything  except saving my daughters life.

I swear it seemed like she was 30 miles away. It's like everything was going in slow motion.

I hear the back door open then glass smash behind me. Footsteps rushing behind me. A loud splash and I reached Diana.

Niall by my side in what seemed like seconds. I walked out of the pool Diana in my arms. Quietly sobbing.

I sat in my chair both of us shivering. Niall grabbed two towels from the side of us wrapping us both.

He sat beside me and wrapped his arms around both of us. Corissa and Logan jus sat there in shock.

I began to cry. I couldn't stop. It came out like a faucet. Niall squeezed me a little harder knowing this was mostly from him.

I feel so broken and I don't know how to fix it.

****

I sat on the bed staring into the distance. Nothing in particular. Just the growing space. It seemed deepen with each passing minute.

I feel like I shouldn't be here anymore. Niall always lies to me. I have no friends. My family is fucked. I almost let my kid drown today.

There's no point in life anymore.

I rested my head on the pillow and looked around the large room. A small tear dropped down my cheek.

****

I looked in the mirror one last time before pouring the pills into my hand. I took four at a time. I was on the last few of the bottle when I heard the door open behind me. I dropped the bottle onto the floor causing the last few pills to come out.

I turn to see Harry standing in the door.

"Vanessa, what are you doing?"

"Why are you crying?" He asked touching my tear stained cheeks.

"I'm so sorry." I said shaking my head. I looked over at the pill bottle and so did he. He looked back at me realizing what was going on.

I began to feel a severe pain in my stomach.

"Ahhh!" I yelled. Harry jumped looking at me. Shocked.

"Vanessa, what the fuck! Your so worth this life. Don't throw it away!" He yelled picking me up.

"Niall I'm going to the hospital I'll be back." He yelled.

"What wh- VANESSA!" Niall's words were the last thing I heard before I blacked out.

A/N: TBH idek if y'all read the authors notes. But I decided to include a suicide scene because many people feel this way in life. Me included. You will be ok. One day. You need to find the right way to cope. Draw. Sing. Run. Walk. Punch a pillow. Anything besides hurting yourself please.