I didn't want to get out of bed. but i knew that if i didn't now, i never would. Everything seems so dark. My room is freezing, my sweat pants are a dark grey and so is the sky. It's supposed to be hot and the sky is supposed to be blue, but it's been raining ever since the end of the school year.
As soon as i decide i should leave the comfort of my bed, i go to the bathroom to put my contacts in. I look at myself in the mirror now that i can see clearly. I don't like what i see. I haven't for awhile. The only thing i really like about myself is my eyes. I take the time going over every single detail of my face. the way my nose curves and the tiny hoop that decorates it. The purple bags under my eyes and my barley tan complexion.
I look away or else i'll start popping some pimples in the mirror. I like to believe that my acne is from being a teenager but sad to say it's because of stress. Harry is constantly on my mind and i can't seem to shake him off. Well how could you forget someone that you've known almost your entire life? It's not easy.
I miss him. I miss his scent and his lengthy legs. He hasn't cut his hair in so long but i love it. Maybe he got a hair cut in London and he'll come back a changed person. Maybe not.
**
"Miss can i help you with something?" A little woman asks me. "I'm okay thank you. just deciding on a soap. want to try something new."
she didn't ask for your whole fucking life story Kat.
"Okay, well my name is Jan. Let me know if you need anything." She gives me a warm smile and walks away. I wish i could be as happy as Jan seems.
I finally decide on a soap and move on to the frozen foods section of the store. I'm obsessed with bagel bites and i really shouldn't be because of weight gain and all that but who the fuck cares. I'm living. Barley.
As soon as my finger tips touch the cold metal to open the freezer door, i hear someone's voice. I quickly grab the box of bagel bites and jog down the aisle.
Holy fuck.
As soon as i turn the corner i see him. I see Harry. The first thing i notice is that he has tattoos now. A lot of them actually. Who can get that many in only 2 months? He's wearing a white tee shirt, black skinny jeans and some really ugly boots. But that doesn't matter because he's alive and he's in front of me.
Despite what's happening inside of my body, i approach him slowly. "H-harry." i stutter. He turns around and my eyes start to water. "Hey Kat." He looks nervous. "Can we t- i don't even know what to say." i put my hands up and rake them through my hair and leave them there. Harry grabs my elbows and leans down to look me in the eyes. "Lets go talk okay?" I nod, i don't know how i manage to, but i nod.
Harry and i sit on the curb in front of the store. "Let's talk" but he's not doing much talking. I guess ill start.
"Why'd you leave Harry?" My voice came out way more shakier than i had expected.
He looks at me and I swear if i was standing, i would have collapsed. His eyes hold so many memories and i see us together in them. They're dark right now because of the dark atmosphere but they are still so familiar.
"I wasn't planning on even coming back." He sighs. "I went to London because my dad died. I went to the funeral." He explains.
My heart drops and it aches for Harry. No matter how much hatred he felt for him, he still lost someone who at a point meant everything to him. I'm at a loss of words.
"Harry i-" i start but he interrupts me. "Don't Kat, i don't want to hear it." I drop my hand back into my lap and wait for him to continue.
"I didn't want to leave you. There's a lot of things i didn't want to do. I didn't want to hurt you. My god i'm so fucking stupid for hurting you!" He shouts.
"Shhhh Harry it's okay." i tell him looking around at the people that are looking at us.
It's not okay but what he did but i can't have him yelling in a public place like this.
It's quiet now.
"I had feelings for you Kat."
My stomach goes into a million knots and my eyes go wide.
He looks at me and i have to look away because of how red my face is.
"Harry i-" "No, listen. Obviously high school changed me, you know that. It was because of my dad. I was so fucking angry Kat. I needed to let my anger out. That's why i pushed you away." He explains.
"By letting out your anger you mean ditching me and going to fuck random girls and do drugs?"
I sound like a jealous girlfriend but Harry and i were best friends, if it was a girl i would be saying the same thing.
"You know, i couldn't get sleep for the first month that you were gone. I couldn't help but to think about you. constantly."
I look at the beautiful but also tired boy sitting next to me. I'm not telling him everything i'm thinking. I can only release my anger right now.
What i really want to tell him is how much i missed him and that i'm glad he's okay. I want to hug him and smell the familiar scent that just reminds me of him.
"And i'm sorry. You think i wanted to hurt you?" I pushed you away for a reason. I was trying to protect you." I shake my head. "You knew you could have come to me. I don't even know how many times i've told you that." I tell him.
"I know i know. I'm so sorry i did that to you. I had a lot going on Kat. Ill never do it again, i'm not going anywhere." He tells me and puts his hand on my shoulder. I flinch unintentionally, not used to his touch. He notices and frowns.
"Want to go somewhere?" He asks. "Like where?" i reply.
He runs his long slender fingers across his bent knees and stands up. "Like lunch or something?" he suggests and puts a hand out for me to take. I accept the offer and stand up. He's so much taller than i am, it's hard to believe we used to be the same height at one point.
"You're so short." He laughs and i slap his arm and start to go to my car. "Whoah aren't you going to let me drive you?" He asks and i turn around to see him standing with his arms open and his keys in one hand.
Something i forgot to mention, you can never say no to Harry.
