Desperate

Chapter two

                         -47-

          Getting up is the hardest part of any day. That feeling you get when you are awoken by the alarm on your phone. That stupid annoying alarm, you meant to change to a less annoying one but just never got around to it. Awakened by the same tune everyday somehow starts you off on the wrong foot with the day. You literally drag yourself out of bed, as I am now. Sometimes I even get dressed in bed, just because I can't find the strength to get up out of bed. I finally have to get out of bed and eat breakfast. Already running late, with a single dad rushing me because he has to get to work. I brush my teeth, hear him honk the horn, and leave to do my makeup in the car. On my way to school. Only 47 more days of high school left. When I was a freshman people would tell me, high school goes by faster than you think. I'm here to tell you that's bullshit. Everyday gets longer. The anxiety gets higher and the homework gets harder. The only thing I looked forward to all these years is the day it would be over. 47 days until four years of high school is done. Almost to school now as we pull up and I loose my train of thought. I walk out of the car and into the school gates.

"Its going to be okay" i say aloud to myself as I grudgingly walk in. Even though I only have four periods I have to stay and wait to get picked up for a couple of hours. I do have a car, but my brother ,Thierry, took it and crashed it. Its in the shop now. I can't wait to get it back, its pathetic sitting on the sidewalk for hours waiting for your dad to pick you up. The car should be done by Wednesday. It's Monday. I'm sitting in first period in my own world. I don't really need to pay attention anyway I mean I won't even be here in 47 days. Either way I still have to pee. I sit here debating whether or not I can hold it until next period. Finally I'm like screw it. I raise my hand.

"May I go to the lavatory?" I ask in the sweetest voice I can manage. I saw everyone stare. And I knew what they were looking at. They were all staring, judging, me. I felt my face get hot. Waiting for an answer.

" Yes Jay, but take the pass"

"Thank you" I say politely as I stand up, trying not to dance, to keep from peeing myself. I grab the pass and hurriedly walk to the bathroom. I bet this is what getting high feels like I tell myself As I let myself pee. Its the greatest feeling in the world. That release after holding it in so long.  As I walk back towards class I walk past Mr. Martins room, he's the AP History teacher here at Westfield high. But he's not the one I was looking for. I was looking for the most beautiful guy I've ever met. His name was Ash. His name was also like him. He was pale with Ash blonde hair, skinny but not a skeleton. He wasn't that tall but that was okay with me since i'm only 5'5 and he's only a few inches taller than me. I was walking fairly slow but fast enough to not seem to creepy. All I could make out was his mass of blonde hair. But that was enough to send butterflies flying in my stomach. I got back to class and time seemed to fly, and before I knew it, it was lunch. I saw Ash a few yards ahead of me sitting in a bench alone, per usual. Brown eyes taunting me as he scanned the lunch area. I finally stopped making goo goo eyes at pretty boy and desperately looked for a different distraction. I didn't find one. I walked through the school yard aimlessly, hoping the bell would ring soon. Finally I hear the ear piercing shriek of the bell.

Two more periods I tell myself. Third period wasn't anything to write home about. But fourth, the best period of the day. The period I get to see ash. Not only that, I get to sit next to him. I could feel the butterflies before I got in my seat. He was already there. We had a substitute, not uncommon for fourth period. We watched a movie. I don't think I've ever learned a thing In that classroom, probably never will.

"Jay are you stalking me?" Ash asked, shocked by his question I giggled.

"Why on this earth would you think that?" I asked answering his question with a question.

"I saw you looking at me at lunch, and I could've sworn I saw you walking by my first period class"

"One could make the argument that it's you who has been stalking me" I was a mess of giggling light brown hair. What was I even thinking Ash stalking me, that was crazy.

"Nice save" he said while his laugh mumbled his speech. His dimples making their appearance.