I felt my phone buzz before I told him. I saw the number.
“Harry” I said lettiing myself down.
“Yes Gracie?”
“I’ll be right back”
“Okay”
I ran upstairs and grabbed my mints and went to the bathroom. Fuck not again. I upped-the-chuck again. I almost started to cry again. I heard Harry coming upstairs. He must’ve heard me. I quickly wiped my face and ate a mint.
“Babe did you…again?”
I nodded and slid onto the ground. I don’t know whats wrong with me but my immune system is having mood swings thats for sure. He came and sat next to me.
“Is everything okay?” he asked holding me close
"Yeah” I need to stop lying. He looked really worried
“Gracie…” I knew he didn’t know what to say and I don’t blame him. Neither do I. I pulled myself together and stood up.
"I want to see my mom" I said wiping my tears
“Come on then” he got up and held my hand as we walked downstairs. I got the keys and got into the car. I don’t know what I’m feeling but its not good.
Once we got there I got out and ran inside. Harry was running after me. I told them who I was looking for and they told us the room number and floor. I ran to the elevator. It came faster than expected. I hit the number quickly and waited and waited. Harry looked so worried about me. I was shaking. I ran down to the room. I stopped in my tracks and took a few breaths. We walked in. He intertwined our fingers. I saw her and I burst out into tears. So did he. I ran to her side.
“Mom. It's me. Please answer” I was still crying pretty hard. I said while holding her hand
“G-gracie? I-is that y-you?” she was so quiet
“Mom, yes its me”
“Are you ok?” I hugged her gently and she stayed still. I got worried. I pulled away.
“Mom. I love you so much.”
“I-i love y-you to m-my angel…” She was drifting. I started shaking more. Harry massaged my shoulders to calm my nerves.
“I w-will always l-love you and y-your sister” she looked at Harry.
“Take care of h-her for m-me” she said to Harry
“Mom you arent going to die. I wont let you”
“I will protect both of them. Don’t worry Mrs. Simmons” her eyes slowly shut and her head rolled to the side. I turned and dug my face into Harry’s chest. I was crying so hard. I turned one more time.
“M-mom…” I started crying so hard it was hysterical. I pressed the emergency button and they came in. They looked at me like that was it. She's gone.
“Nooo....” I started crying
“Gracie, shhh” Harry turned me around and held me close. He was rubbinng my back and holding my closer than ever. I couldn’t breath. I felt like I was dead too. I can’t do this. “Harry take me out now” I whispered. He started walking out with me and in the elevator, I slid onto the floor and started crying. Harry picked me up when we got to the lobby. He carried me to the car. I was still breathing heavy, crying and I had puffy eyes and a headache.
When we got home I went upstairs and sat in the corner of the room and started crying with my head between my knees. I haven’t done it in a while but I locked the door and grabbed my razor. I sat back in the corner. I took breaths but then I thought again about what just happened and I put the razor to my skin. I cut my arm multiple times. Small cuts. Harry was knocking over and over. “One minute!’’ I said still crying. I went into the bathroom and hid the razor in the corner of the cabinet. I washed my arm and pulled down my sleeve. I opened the door.
“Why was this door locked?”
“I’m sorry I just panicked.”
“Babe.. I need to check your arms..”
“Why?”
“To make sure you weren't hurting yourself.”
"Harry, I'm fine. I just needed a minute" I said wiping another tear. He looked at my arm.
"Is that blood?" He reached for my arm but I ran into the bathroom and shut the door.
“Gracie. Please don’t hurt yourself.” I locked the door.
“Gracie open the door. Please”
I opened it, I didn’t want to make him mad. He grabbed my arm and slid my sleeve down. It stung and his face lost all expression. The blood was still leaking from the cuts on my arm. I just started crying again.
“Why…”
I didn't respond. I just sat on the floor.
“Honey, this is serious. I love you. I care about you. I hate seeing you like this.”
“Harry, what do you expect. I’m scared Harry”
“Don’t be scared love. I’m here.” He pulled me up and picked me up bridal style and brought me downstairs to fix up my arm. He sat me on the couch with a towel on my arm. He got out ice cream and a movie. He got a wrap for my arm and antibacterial gel. He had me take my sweatshirt off because of the blood. He applied the gel after washing off my arm and then wrapped it up. I started getting cold. He noticed and gave me his Jack Wills sweatshirt. He then put the ice cream into two bowls. Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. My favorite. I still felt like throwing up but I didn’t. He turned some of the lights off and put the movie in. He put on Jurassic Park. My favorite movie. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. He handed me the ice cream and I cuddled up to him.
