The Road to Happiness is Full of Potholes

Chapter Five

What had just happened? Did Dan just admit to being jealous of Adam? Phil was left entirely confused as Dan hurried out of the flat, headed to Louise's.

Did Dan have feelings for Phil? If he did, it was clear he hadn't realized yet, but everything he'd said pointed to the answer to the question being yes.

Phil didn't know how to feel. He'd loved Dan for years. He still loved him... just in a different way. But Dan was his best friend, his first love, and such a long love... If he had a chance with him, was that something Phil was willing to give up?

On the other hand, Phil now had Adam. Sweet, kind, perfect Adam. Adam who Phil thought he loved. Adam who Phil found it easy to be with. But that was a bit of the problem, wasn't it? Things with Adam were easy. They never had trouble being around each other, never fought, and their lovemaking was nice... but easy. Nothing about their relationship was exciting or made Phil's heart race. Nothing was dangerous, the way it was liking Dan. It was just... easy.

With Adam, Phil never felt those fireworks.

Easy is good... Phil thought to himself, trying to convince himself of this fact he'd been chewing on for months now. He tried to make himself believe this, though every time he thought it, a quiet voice continued, even though it's boring.

Phil spent the morning going back and forth, trying to figure out what to do. Stick with the person he knew he could have a relationship with, even if it was stale at times, or go for the chance that Dan might be suppressing something, and take a chance on getting the love of his life.

That thought drew him up short. The love of his life? Is that really what Dan was to Phil? He mulled this over for a long time, and when he finally made a decision, he picked up his things and hopped on the tube.

"Louise I talked to him." Dan said, pushing inside the house.

"How'd it go?" She asked with a sympathetic twinge to her tone, because they both knew that if he was here it probably had gone badly.

"I don't even know. Not good. I'm just... I just need to get over all this. I don't know why I'm acting so crazy and it's not fair to Phil... I just need to deal."

"Okay... If that's what you really think." Louise said, and waved for him to come further into the house.

"Let me make you some soup, okay?" Dan nodded gratefully, and followed his friend into the house.

Phil left Adam's flat with a new sense of determination. He got back on the tube, and felt the nerves bubble in his stomach for what he was about to do.

When Phil arrived at Louise's and knocked on the door, Dan was the one to answer. He stood there in surprise, and Phil felt his heart jump into his throat, his nerves coming to their boiling point.

"Hey." He said weakly.

"Hey... what are you doing here?" Dan asked, looking slightly annoyed after the initial surprise that Phil had followed him.

"Um... can we not do this in the doorway?" Phil asked, looking inside, and begrudgingly Dan opened the door for Phil to enter. When he walked into the living room and saw Louise there, her face brightened.

"Phil, it's great to see you!" She smiled, pulling him in for a hug. "We'll give you two some space." She followed, picking up Darcy and giving the two boys pointed glances. Phil nodded thankfully, a small blush creeping to his cheeks. Soon they were alone, and Dan was standing awkwardly, looking at Phil expectantly, waiting for Phil's reasoning for being here.