blurry | ✔️

chapter ten

*WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SUGGESTIVE MATERIAL AMD MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL AUDIENCES. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, PLEASE SKIP TO THE LAST FEW LINES OF THE CHAPTER :)*

He closed the bedroom door behind us and we were kissing again. It was easy, natural even. He kept his hands firmly on both sides of my waist, unwavering, pulling me closer to him. I felt foolish for my unsure hands, tangling in his hair, running along his jawline, grabbing onto the back of his neck, but I tried not to overthink this, because I knew how that had ruined things before.

I also knew that, if given the chance, polite and gentlemanly Joshua would probably stay rooted in that one spot all night long, so I took the initiative and tugged him toward the bed. He followed, but apparently I wasn't as slick as I thought, because our feet got entangled and we both tripped, nearly falling to the ground. He caught me just in time and I laughed out loud.

"Shh!" he whispered, covering my mouth with his hand, one of my biggest pet peeves, something of which he was completely aware. I stuck out my tongue and licked and his hand reeled back quickly. I laughed again at his expense, and I could feel his own laughter shaking his body. "Really?" he said. "You wanna go there?" In the darkness he found the spot underneath my ribs where I was most ticklish and used it against me.

"No, no, no!" I protested but it was too late. To no avail I tried to push him away but he was much stronger than I was.

Then, in one swift motion, he'd managed to pick me up off the ground and sling me onto the bed, landing me on my back, and he on his side next to me.

The moon peeked through the openings in his blinds, creating rows of lights on Joshua's face. He stared back at me with his piercingly blue eyes, his trademark amused look on his face. One lone curl hung down the middle of his forehead, and slowly I reached out and twirled it around my finger.

"You really do need a haircut," I said.

"That's what we're gonna talk about?" he asked me, a hint of teasing in his voice, and then his lips were on mine, slower this time, not as frantic as they'd been when we'd first entered the room. He placed on hand on the side of my face and gently pushed my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. Shivers traveled down my spine. This felt right. No doubts about it.

Next thing I knew he was angling my mouth away from his and making his way down to my neck. I gasped, my eyes involuntarily closing. Maybe Joshua just knew what he was doing, but I felt one of my hands drift down and grab onto the back of his shirt and pull, all without even realizing it. He stopped what he was doing.

"Are you okay?" he asked, ever so slightly pulling away from me.

"Yes," I breathed, and I mean breathed. "That's absolutely wonderful."

He laughed—and I knew it was directed at me because I sounded like one of those women from the late night phone sex commercials—and planted a small kiss beneath my earlobe.

"Hillary, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he said slowly, like he was the one who was unsure.

I kissed him hard just to show him how this was exactly the thing I wanted, and we were off again. Before I knew it, our clothes were dropping to the floor, but I didn't mind. Dress, shirt, pants, until we were both covered in only our undermost garments, barely stopping to let our lips come apart. His hands never strayed past my waist, and mine remained wrapped around his neck. It's like we were tentative, hesitant not to scare the other one away by moving too fast.

He stopped again and looked at me—with no amusement in his eyes whatsoever. I braced myself for what would come next. It was my body, wasn't it? He would mention how we should wait and hurriedly get dressed, and it'd be because I wasn't what he was expecting, what he'd been dreaming of for so many years. I didn't live up to expectations. He'd stop talking to me just like I'd done to him.