blurry | ✔️

chapter fifteen

My alarm sounded at seven o'clock, the loudest and most annoying alert tone I could find set to the highest volume possible, my phone all the way on the other side of my room, so I wouldn't have a reason to stay where I was, to pull my pillow back over my head to drown the sound out and wait for it to stop.

I threw my covers back, groaning, and rolled out onto the floor, where I crawled over to my phone, sliding the screen to stop the screaming. I flopped over onto my back, the carpet suddenly feeling extraordinarily inviting, but I forced myself to get up; I knew, once I did, the sleepiness would slowly start to fade away. I slipped into the shower, the warm water rushing down my body, and I swear I could have stayed in there for hours.

I'd just wrapped a towel around my body and was rubbing the steam off of the mirror when the door swung open, my mother barging in on me.

I jumped. "Mom! What . . . ? That's cool, I guess, you can just come in. I'm not naked or anything."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said. "I birthed you, didn't I?"

The classic mother argument.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked, now wide awake, one hand perched to make sure my towel stayed right where it was supposed to be.

"Your show is at ten?" I nodded. "Do you want some breakfast or something before you leave? Something to give you energy?" What I wanted was a huge sausage and egg sandwich, but I knew her idea of energy food was something healthy that was unusually crunchy and wouldn't budge if you turned it upside down.

"I'll probably just pick something up on the way," I responded, most likely lying since I didn't know when food would fit into this morning's schedule. "I'm leaving early to go see Joshua."

"Oh," she said, "okay."

"Thank you anyway," I said, smiling at her. I knew how bad she felt about not really being present this past week, off in her own headspace, even though I couldn't fault her at all. "We can go to lunch, though. I'll be starving after the show."

She smiled at this, and turned on her heels, saying, "I'll figure something out!" without even closing the door behind her. I shook my head and laughed, happy she was beginning to return to her old self, and shut the door for her.

I blew dry my hair and swiped on a few dabs of makeup, just enough to make myself look like I'd slept a normal amount of hours, when it had actually been just under five, the norm for me as of late. In my room, I slipped into my tights and black leotard, pulling on a soft, gray, high-waist skirt on over it, stuffing my real skirt and my slippers into my gym bag. I gathered my hair up on my head and into a bun, smoothing any flyaways down with some serum. Hairspray, perfume, lipstick—check. Grabbing a sweater and shoving my feet into a pair of boots, I made sure I had everything I needed and ran downstairs.

"I'll see you at ten?" my mom asked when I entered the kitchen. She was sitting at the dining table with the newspaper and a coffee mug. I rummaged through the fridge until I found a couple of water bottles and dropped those into my gym bag, too.

"I'll be the one on the stage," I replied, pouring some coffee into a mug to take to go, and then whipping out my phone and typing out a quick message to Darren: Let Lauryn know I might be a little late!

He immediately responded: If you leave now, I'm pretty sure you'll be there earlier than anyone.

There's something I have to do first, I texted back.

Ohhhhhkaaayyyyy, was his reply.

"Love you!" I said to my mom, kissing her quickly on her cheek before heading for the door. "Do I look okay?" I asked, abruptly turning back around and splaying my arms out at my sides to give her a full view. Her eyes lifted from the paper, looking just over the top of it. She seemed skeptical.