Guilty Love (Completed)

Chapter Eighteen

Barty's speech slurred. "Wh..
, while the c.., cat's away the mice will play! Don't think I don't know what you've been playing at! I've read all about it, I know everything, so don't bother to lie to me this time!"

He raised his arm and she saw the newspaper clenched in his hand, he threw it at her, snarling. "In black and white, you treacherous little...., it's all there, in fucking black and white!" Barty shouted.

She was so scared that her wits deserted her, she could only stammer helplessly. "B.., Barty, I..., it w..., wasn't like that, n..., not the way the newspaper made it sound..., Ritchie and I weren't staying there together-----"

"Fucking Liar!"

His hand flew out before she knew it was coming, the blow sent her stumbling back into the wall, then before she could pull herself together, he hit her again, even harder, and her ears rang, her head starting to go round dizzily.

Barty bent towards her, said through his teeth, "This is the end of all the lying you bitch. You're going to admit it, this time! He's your lover..., isn't he?" But he hit her again as she tried to answer, to deny it.. "Isn't he?" his remorseless voice demanded. "He's your stupid lover, isn't he, you little piece of shit----?"

"Nooo!"

She screamed, and then, before he could hit her again, she tried to get away, to run, down the corridor to the bathroom, to lock herself in there, as she had sometimes in the past. If she could get there, he might go on drinking until he passed out.

When he woke up, he would be morose but sober, suffering with a hangover, but in that state usually more amenable to reason. When he was drunk his inhibitious broke down, and up from the depths of his pysche rose dark monsters of grief and frustation, but Linzi never forgot that even the monsters were an expression of Barty's love for her.

Sober, Barty would never hurt her. If she could only get to the bathroom. . .

This time though, her reflexes were slower because she was shaking so hard that she couldn't run fast. Barty caught her before she could get far.

"Where do you think you're going? Back to him? Oh, no you don't! You won't be seeing him again! Do you hear me? I'll never let you go to him again!"

Then he began beating her with a black ferocity before which she was utterly helpless. She had discovered, long ago, that at a certain point his violence seemed to freeze her, paralyse her, so that she couldn't even try to stop him, let alone either fight him or plead with him. White-faced and trembling, she didn't even cry as he forced her back, across their little living-room, his blows falling relentlessly.

She just put her arms over her face, to protect her head, like a cowering child, crouching in a corner of the room. Barty knocked her arms down, then his hands closed round her throat, he held her off the ground, her toes kicking air as she struggled. Bending towards her, his face an inch from hers, he hissed.

"I've had enough, Linzi, I can't take any more of this..., if I can't have you, he can't..., I'll kill you first..."

He meant it. She saw it in his staring, dilated eyes. Barty was going to kill her. She had often thought it might end this way. At times she had even hoped for it, might have welcomed it as one way out of what seemed a hopeless situation.

His hand squeezed her throat, she couldn't breath. Gasping for air as his grip tightened, she was in agony. Instinctively she reached up to unclasp his hands, but Barty had always been stronger. She heard her breath rasping in her throat, or was she sobbing, trying to talk to him? Her blue eyes pleaded.

"Barty, please..., darling, don't...,"
She tried to beg but all that emerged were those strange, hoarse, choking sounds.

She was going to die. The thought seemed incredible unreal, and then panic surged up inside her. A voice clamoured inside her head. She didn't want to die... She wanted to live..... Her tongue seemed to be filling her mouth, her mind was clouding. She felt consciousness slowly slipping away, her body going limp. With a pang of shock she realised that she was dying..., this was it, this weakness, the confusion of her mind and senses..., this was death....

Somewhere in the darkness that followed Linzi heard a voice. "Oh, no..., oh, my God, No!" She was incurious about it. It didn't seem to have anything to do with her. She was drifting far away in a cold place, she didn't have either the desire or the energy to get back.

Someone somewhere was breathing rapidly, roughly, as if they had been running. She tried to ignore them because if she didn't they would drag her back and she didn't want to go back. She had escaped! She didn't quite know from what, only that she did not want to go back. It was safer here. It was quite. Nobody hassled or tried to hurt her.

"Don't die, Linzi..., I couldn't bear it!" The voice said, much closer to her, sounding anguished. She didn't want emotion breaking in on her peace. She frowned irritably, her thin brows flickering.

"Ahh. . ." There was a quick, indrawn breath, then someone picked up her wrist and held it carefully, finger and thumb pressed into her blue vein. He was looking for a pulse, she dimly understood. Was there one? Hadn't my heart stopped beating yet? I am sure it had. It must have done--- I'm dead, wasn't I? How long did it take to die?

There was a long sigh, then a hand touched her face, gently, brushing the curve of her cold cheek, and she thought. Can you feel a touch if you're dead? Can you hear the living?

"You're alive..." A deep, husky voice murmured. "Oh, Linzi... I thought for one terrible minute you were dead, but you're alive..." No, he's wrong. I am dead. I remember dying. Thought Linzi.

"Wake up, Linzi," he whispered, warm lips moving on her pale, closed lids. Her whole body flinched away from that light touch. She knew who had kissed her and she gave a weak, protesting sigh. Why wouldn't he leave me alone? She didn't want to wake up. She was frightened of opening her eyes. She preferred being dead. If she woke up she would have to face..., something...., something she didn't quite remember but which she sensed was still there, waiting to leap out at her.

She didn't quite remember what had happened before she fell into the darkness, only that there had been pain and grief and terror, and that if she let herself come back to life it would all be there, waiting for her, again.

~~~~~~~
There it goes, 3 chapter publish in a day..
Until the next chapter......