How can I say this without breaking?
How can I say this without taking over?
How can I put it down into words when its almost to much for my soul alone?
Dark's pov
Pain.
Thats all I felt.
I loved
Thats all I could feel.
What else was I supposed to feel?
And I loved
What are you supposed to feel when you watch the one you love be ripped away from you?
Am I not supposed to let the tears fall?
And I lost you
I choke back a harsh sob as I watch the couple, cuddling together, being sickingly cute
It made my heart brake just at the sight of my love with another
I loved
Why?
And I loved
Why does he do this?
And I lost you
Why does he unintentionally hurt me?
I loved
Why does he smash my already injured soul?
And I loved
Why did he choose her over me?
And I lost you
Why...?
And it hurts like hell
I sit in the bedroom floor, tears pouring down my face like a non stop Faust. I look over at my phone once again, reading over the horrific text I had recently received.
'Come to the party for Mark and Amy's engagement celebration.'
Engagement. Thier fucking engaged!? They've only been dating for 2 year's, why are they moving so quickly?! More tears built up, causing my red eyes to sting. I gasp for needed air, wishing I would stop breathing. I'm a burden.
I am walking trash that should be tossed, but I'm just forgotten. I grab my phone, reading over the heart wrenching message. I growl, eyes flashing black for a minute and roughly through the divisive across the room, watching it shatter agenst the wall, just like Mark did with my heart.
More tears, tears, tears. They wouldn't stop, I just wanted to stop. Stop everything. Stop crying, stop caring, stop breathing, stop..living! I weakly get up from the hard wooden floor I was previously on, stumbling my way over to the bathroom of the mansion like apartment I rented.
I slam the door open, my head pounding and eyes stinging from crying so much. I stop walking and just look down at my feet, thinking. About what? Hell if I know... I look back up in the mirror and see myself staring back, looking absolutely hideous and completely miserable.
I look ugly, my red greasy hair stood up in all directions, my red eyes were reder and puffy from crying, my nose was swollen, making it look bigger, my lips were chapped and had scabs from my constant biting of it. I sigh, look at what's happen to me.
I used to be so tough, so hard shelled, and now I'm braking down for the first time in years. 'Your a mess, a worthless,repulsive,gross, being from hell! Who could ever love you!? You're nothing! Your disgusting! You're humiliating! No wonder Mark left you for Amy!' My mind shouted.
"No." I whisper. Mark said he cared for me, he would never forget me. When will you open you're goddamn eyes! He left you, forgot you for her! You mean nothing to him! The inner voice screamed. I grip the counter tightly, knuckles turning white and arms shaking violently.
"Your right..." I whisper, quickly giving in to the voice. It was right, Mark forgot me, he left me, all for that Amy girl. Just her name makes my stomach knot. I grip the counter tighter as more tears built, some already falling. I didnt try to hold any back.
There was no point in trying to hold back. There was no point in trying to hold back anything. There was no point to hold back tears, to hold back the dark thoughts, to hold on. I just let the tears fall, let the dark thoughts consume me, and let go.
I breathing was spazzed and heavy. Tears were like my second nature. I gripped my midnight colored shirt under my short sleeved red fannel. The dark thoughts I never thought I'd have again are back and louder then ever. I dash out of the bathroom, rushing to my room.
I can't do this anymore
I had grabbed my,surprisingly,still working phone as I texted Anti.
'I'm sorry old friend, but this is my final goodbye'
Almost immediately, I got a response,
'What are ye talkin about Dark?'
I respond,
'You will know soon, goodbye Anti'
I toss my phone away from me, ignoring the notifications flooding it.
I run over to my desk and pull out a pen and paper. I start writing, but the tears in my eyes blur my vision, but I sill try. I slam the pen down and watch as tears fall from my eyes and onto the paper.
"I'm so sorry, but I can't live like this." I whisper to no one as I run to the bathroom. I held the note in my hands tightly, tears falling like they would never stop. I slam the note onto the counter of the bathroom, trying to wype some tears.
I reach up to the mirror, opening it to see all the typical stuff you'd find in a mirror cabinet, and my razor. My old friend. I haven't used it in years. I pick it up, it material shining in the bathroom light, showing off all the dust it's collected.
I bring the weapon to my forearm, right to the meeting of my elbow. I slowly dig the blade into the soft part, wincing at the pain. I was already crying, so it was hard to tell that the pain caused more tears. I slowly drug the blade down my skin.
I scream as I dug it deeper, feeling it slice easily through my muscles. The cut was deep and long, it reached down to my wristle area. I look down at my work, watching the crimson color gush out of the gash. I sunk the razor in again, deeper.
I did the same process again, and again, and again, going deeper and longer each time. I kept the horrible cycle, until there was no room left on my arms to injure. The floor I was standing on was covered with the ooze, almost as if there was no floor.
I held the weapon tightly and I swiftly stab my thigh, screaming in agony. I remove the blade and repeat, subconsciously piercing my thighs over and over, feeling the blood run down my legs and soke my jeans. I collapse onto the ground, no longer having the strength to stand.
I've done enough damage to my thighs, as I can't feel anything from the waist down and I am now laying in a puddle of my own blood. My vision is getting blurry and fazzy, dark spots cornering the sides. I weakly turn my head over, seeing one last open area on my arm.
With little strength, I reach over to the free area, deeply cutting the words 'I love you Mark'. I drop the razor, no longer having the capability to hold it. My vision tunnels and blurrs even more, my sounds echoing in my ears, my sence of smell failing.
I close my eye's as I accept this fate I have bestowed upon myself. I take in my last breath as I use it to whisper one last thing..
"Im sorry Mark..."
