Alexei

6: December 21, 1916

The Great War broke out less than a month after the retreat. Father asked me to join the Stavka, the Russian Army, and, of course, I could not refuse.
  Father took me to war-impoverished battlefields littered with corpses. It seemed as though a living hell. The snow began to fall in late August when we went to Murmansk. The frigidity freezed on not only my body, but my brain and heart too. I couldn't think like myself anymore. I had to think like a man. And my heart. It wasn't real.
  Every night, we had a royal feast as we would have had back at the palaces. One night, I decided to change myself.
  "Why aren't you eating?" Father asked when he saw me picking at my food with a utensil.
  "It's not what soldiers eat," I said. "If I am to become a man, I might as well start eating like one."
  Father beamed. I could tell that he was beyond proud. So that man, became the new me.
  Father taught me how to fight, how to use a military gun, a bayonet, and many other weapons. Those weapons became my toys. I strived to show no weakness, to be strong.
  But either way, my heart was still, as many Russians have told me, golden. However, it was not pure.
  As the months passed, it grew bloodier and bloodier. I had not seen my sisters and mother in months and was beginning to get a little homesick.
  In March 1915, Tatiana, Anastasia, Olga, and Maria joined the Red Cross and joined Father and I in the army headquarters in Mogilev. I grew a more intimate bond with them. In April, Mother joined us and the family was reunited.
  One evening, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia and I sat by a fire, flames blazing in the midst of dusk.
  "Can I tell you all a secret?" Tatiana said. "Do you promise not to tell?"
  "Tatiana," Maria whispered. "You can tell us anything."
  "Okay," Tatiana sighed. "I'm in love."
  "In love?" Anastasia said. "With whom?"
  "His name is Dmitri," Tatiana replied dreamily. "He gave me a bulldog."
  "A bulldog?" Maria gasped. "What will Mother say of such?"
  "Where is the dog?" Anastasia asked.
  "He's with Dmitri, for now. Oh, he's such a darling. I absolutely adore him!"
  "When did you meet?" Maria questioned in fascination.
  "He was one of the many soldiers I've cared for as a nurse in the Red Cross. But he's not like the others. He's kind and amazing and handsome. We fell in love right away."
  Mother appeared behind us.
  "Tatiana, Maria! Hurry! We have patients!" Mother called.
  "Coming!" Tatiana and Maria said in unison.
  "We'll talk more about this later," Tatiana said. Tatiana and Maria walked away, giggling in their own bundle of excitement.
  Anastasia remained next to me, staring at me.
  "You're growing up so fast, Alexei," she said. "I miss the playfulness you used to have."
  "You do?" I said in surprise.
  "Why, yes! I love all the pranks you've played on me and everyone. They're hysterical."
  "They are fun to do," I laughed.
  "Yes."
  We sat in silence, listening the humming of the crickets.
  "Promise me," Anastasia said. "You will always remain a child at heart."
  "Of course, Anastasia," I said, my eyes welling with tears. I remember how much I wanted to be the fun-loving prankster I called myself.
  From thereon, I started to adhere more to my own nature. I sprayed my father and his friends with a hose. They laughed, I laughed, it was perfect. I realized how much I had needed to be myself.
  Months passed and the days grew colder. Autumn came and the leaves transformed into multicolored crackers. The daily routine was always the same. Get up early, eat, practice fighting, eat, practice fighting, relax, eat, relax, sleep. Same old boring pattern.
  1916 came and went very quickly. Only in December did things begin to happen.
  On December 4, I was awarded the title of Lance Corporal. It was an honor. It made me feel as though I meant something not only to my family, but to the people of Russia, as well.
  On December 14, a very dear ally of mine grew very depressed due to the loss of his son. John Hanbury-Williams was his name. He was the head of the British military in the Stavka. I saw him sitting on a ledge by the ocean, grieving over his loss. It killed me to see his pain. I could almost feel the tears stroking my cheeks. Father came up to me and told me I should sit beside him.
  I walked slowly across the barren field and sat down next to him, gazing at the rippled, turquoise seas of the Kara. "Papa told me to come sit with you as he thought you might feel lonely tonight," I said softly.
  He smiled. I smiled. We didn't say anything more, but we connected, looking out into the hazy skies of war and death.