Rimmerworld II

Technical Difficulties

Alarms were whaling, lights were flashing. "WARNING: Airlock doors opened. Life support system failure imminent." could be seen on multiple monitors on the ship.

Lister came pelting down the corridor and into the drive room. Upon entering he saw a severely disassociated Rimmer hovering over the controls for the air locks.

Fear transformed Lister's face; it was obvious what he had just done. "Rimmer, what are you doin', man?! Have you lost your mind?!" He tried to shut the airlock doors but Rimmer had put in an override.

In that moment rage flowed through Rimmer. His eyes were nearly all black. He lunged at Lister before he could even blink, then wrapped his hands tightly around Lister's head.

Lister groaned, and recoiled to the best of his abilities. "Let go of my head!" he struggled to yell. He clasped his hands on Rimmer's wrists, attempting to pry him off. The grip his hard light, so-called friend had on him was sure to crack his skull if he didn't act quickly — but there was nothing he could do himself. "I could use some help in here!!"

"I've always wondered why people call heads 'melons'," Rimmer intoned, almost disconnected from reality. "Maybe it's because they split under pressure. What do you think, Listy?" He gripped Lister's head even tighter.

He let out a loud, pained moan. His heart pounded; he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. It would have been a better death than having his head squeezed like a grape. He shouted out the first name he could think of: "Kryten!!"

Then Rimmer, louder than ever, screamed, "SHUT UP!!!" Both his projection and voice glitched out.

His immense malfunction caused a ship wide power fluctuation, then in just seconds everything went dark. It was eerily quiet; the only thing that could be heard was Lister panting. He hitched his breath until the backup power generator started. When it did he found he was alone. He gazed down at the tiny light bee on the ground; Rimmer was still active but shut down as a result of the power cut.

Lister picked up what remained of Rimmer and stared at it. "What the smeg was that about?!" he demanded, as if he could answer him.

Finally, after the excitement was all over with, Kryten and the Cat ran in. Kryten at least would have been there sooner if the Cat didn't distract him with his shiny thing.

Cat saw that Lister was holding Rimmer's light bee and became sorely disappointed. "Aw man!" he griped. "I always miss the good stuff!"

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The three, technically four, of them were in the holo-projection suite. Kryten laid Rimmer's light bee on a medi-bed they got from the medical bay. He powered him on remotely; as soon as he booted up they saw he was unconscious — he laid in a foetal position, his extremities twitching occasionally.

"Any idea what's going on, Kryten?" Lister wondered.

Kryten shook his head. "It's still too soon to tell, sir, but it's clear something set him off."

Cat folded his arms and asked, "What'd you do this time, bud?"

"Nothin'!" he exclaimed. "I just asked him what he was doing and if he lost his smegin' mind! Completely appropriate questions if you ask me."

"That's as maybe, bud, but you know how he gets when you question his sanity: About as unstable as furniture from Ikea."

"He's right, sir. I think we may have to consider..." Kryten nervously tapped on his chest with his fingers. "Putting him down, so to speak."

Lister stared incredulous. "You serious?" he drawled in his thick Liverpudlian accent. "Alright I might not like the guy much, but I'm not taking him into the woods and shooting him!"