Can't stand to see you in pain

DON'T LEAVE ME.

The whole room was blindingly white. It hurt Kihyun's eyes, as he was trying to slowly open them and adjust to the surroundings. His head was hurting, like someone was stabbing it from the inside trying to get out.

He was feeling dizzy and disorientated, looking around the room, trying to remember where he was.

Ah yes, memories were flooding in. He quickly glanced down at his hands that were wrapped in bandages up to his elbows.

Kihyun felt like shit. Pathetic about how low he had stooped. And he just kept spiraling lower, not knowing how to stop, until yesterday happened, when he finally reached the bottom.

He remembers barely nothing of that day, except the itchy feeling in the back of his mind telling him all sorts of horrible things. And Kihyun was desperate for silence. He needed to silence the voices somehow. At least his method worked. He got the quietness.

Last thing he remembers was the fear in Shownu's eyes before blacking out and waking up here.

He raised his eyes to the door that was being opened, a nurse had stepped in.

She said hello and nothing else. She took a blood sample, looked at his vitals, kind of moving around the room restless.

The whole atmosphere in the room was suffocating Kihyun.

''You have a visitor; do you want me to send him in or would you prefer I send him away?'' The nurse said, her voice was void of emotion. She seemed tired. Anyone would be.

''Who is it?'' Kihyun asked from her, praying that it's not his parents. Hoping that they don't know. It's better if they don't. They don't deserve this, knowing how weak their son is. The shame that will come with it.

''Son Hyunwoo.'' She answered.

''Yes, okay. Thank you.'' Kihyun was surprised, but also really glad that he wasn't abandoned just yet. Or maybe Shownu is there to tell him that he is kicked out of the group. NO no no.... If that's the case he wishes he had cut a little deeper, so he wouldn't have to hear his dream be shattered like this.

His mind was already creating ten different scenarios how it will go down. One worse than the other.

''Hey,'' Shownu approached Kihyun carefully, ''how are you feeling? They didn't want to let anyone here, but I kept pestering them.''

''Like hell, why is everything so bright. How long was I out?'' Kihyun asked, it's not like had somewhere to be or he missed out on anything.

''2 days.'' Shownu said. He was staring at Kihyun, like he was trying to convince himself that Kihyun was actually there. Alive and breathing. Just a little while ago he was holding Kihyun in his arms, slowly his life was fading away. Had the ambulance come few minutes later than it did, who knows what would have happened.

Kihyun looked at Shownu, like really looked at him. And he noticed just how tired the leader looked, his hair was a mess, his eyebags were so prominent without any makeup, but he was sure that even makeup wouldn't cover the dark circles. Shownu looked like he hadn't slept for days, and for all Kihyun knows, he probably hasn't.

It stings Kihyun's heart, that he was hurting others around him as well. That was never his intention. He thought that keeping everything to himself will be beneficial to others. Making someone worry about him was the last thing he wanted to do.

But that's exactly what he did.

Kihyun had so many questions about his members. Are they okay? Are they eating fine, now that he isn't there cooking. Is the dorm clean?