forever | david dobrik ✓

12; video

i turned on my camera and i sat on my couch, taking a deep breath before looking straight into the lense.

"as most of you know, i used to post three days a week. and i haven't done that for almost four months. and this is why.

as most of you may know, i've had a girlfriend for close to four years now. lucia faye clark has been the apple of my eyes since before i even personally met her. she's always been a loving and caring person to every single person that came into her life. when i first met her, she didn't believe in love or relationships or very many feelings for that matter. but i changed her mind and i was able to help her realize that not everyone's all that bad.

lucia has never hurt anybody in her lifetime. she was the most sensitive and charming woman anyone had ever met. she was and still is the love of my life, and i will never feel that way about any other person that crosses my path."

my eyes started water and my lip quivered. i took my eyes off of the camera and looked down at my hands, but kept on going.

"lucia had been a spectacular person to me. she was always humble and sweet even if we were yelling at each other because one of use had left spoiled milk in the fridge. lucia was my favorite person. she was my girlfriend but she was also my best friend. i told her things i wouldn't dream about telling anybody else.

lucia was diagnosed with leukemia when she was ten years old. this is not a health informational video so if you don't know what leukemia is, look it up don't ask me.

halfway into our relationship, lucy got worse. she got sicker and sicker, and her disease snuck up on her quicker and quicker. when i first started having rocky weeks with this posting thing about a year back, was when she went into the hospital. she had to stay there because she would have attacks in her sleep or even fainted.

she would wake up dizzy every day and never wanted to stand up because she was afraid she would
throw up or pass out, which did happen almost every time she did stand.

when i stopped posting my videos-" i felt a sob at the back of my throat, so i stopped speaking and let it pass. i started hiccuping and breathing quickly and i stopped for a second.

i put my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hand. i closed my eyes and i pictures lucia holding my hands and telling me to mock her breathing. i breathed in and out until i got a steady paced looking back into the lense.

"lucia faye clark passed away on january 9th, 2017." i said it and stared at the lense before letting a angry smile find its way onto my lips.

"the videos of my running out of chipotle are me getting the call about her passing. i have been angry at myself ever since that day. i didn't leave the hospital often, and i left that day because most of the guys and i were hungry and lucy told me to go.

she was having a good day, but unfortunately, lucy's airways got clogged by a form of liquid and died a few minutes later.

i'm not sure when i'm going to upload, because this is still a very recent pain that has consumed me, but i'll be sure to let you know when i will continue."

i turned the camera off and uploaded the video without editing it.