Stucky One Shots

Chapter 6: Safety, Security, and Sunshine

This is much more like a stream of consciousness, but I felt like it could be a good representation of how fast Bucky thinks on a bad day.

Post Serum! Steve and Bucky

It's 2am, and Bucky is not sleeping. Bucky is not sleeping because Bucky is thinking. He's thinking about Steve and his Coney Island barf, and his newspaper shoes, and his graphite stained hands, because all of those things are better than thinking about other bad things. Things like being wiped, and falling off the train, and hating himself until he can't see straight, but Steve is so great and he can't think of bad things when Steve is next to him. Steve, who now is buff, but still manages to smell the same. He smells like laundry, and Bucky doesn't know what sunshine smells like but he's sure it smells like Steve. Steve is sleeping,  but he still makes Bucky feel safe and secure and he still makes Bucky get out of his head and into his arms.

It's 5am, and Bucky is waking up. Steve's side of the bed is dipping and he knows Steve has to go for his morning run, but he also know that he's needs Steve like he needs air. If Steve leaves, how will Bucky stay out of his head this morning?

"Stevie, Stevie, can you please just stay this morning? I know it's silly. I just need you this morning."

And when has Steve ever denied Bucky of a need? Steve immediately lays back down and hold Bucky. Bucky feels much better with the strong arms and aura made of sunshine surrounding his beaten down body. He's out of his head. He's in Brooklyn in a small apartment. He's taking care of a small, sickly Steve who has caught pneumonia or literally any other shit that he can catch, and Steve has his arms around Bucky. Why the hell is Steve holding Bucky when he's the one who's sick? That doesn't make sense, but then he knows. Steve needs to hold Bucky to feel safe and secure. Maybe that's it. Bucky hopes that's it, hopes he helps Steve just as much as Steve helps him.

It's 12pm,  and Bucky is not hungry, but he's also fucking starving. He's touched starved even if Steve just held him 2 hours, 39 minutes, and 46 seconds ago. He needs Steve right now, but Steve needs to eat that sandwich he's making otherwise he won't want to hold Bucky ever again. Bucky is so not hungry, yet starving, that he's shaking, and he doesn't know what to do about it, but stand and observe the one he doesn't deserve. Steve is eating his sandwich and he looks really pretty. His jaw clenches when he chews, and his dark eyelashes contrast with his pale skin when he keeps his eyes closed for a split second longer than a blink after that first bite. His pink lips have crumbs sprinkled about them, and his nose twitches ever slow slightly when he put the bread in his mouth. Bucky loves every single one of those things because they all make Steve, Steve. Even with all these thoughts, Bucky can't get his hands to stop shaking this time, no matter how much Steve he distracts himself with.

It's 4pm, and Bucky screams at the television when a little girl gets shot in the movie they're watching. He screams and yells because that's not fair and life isn't fair and why did this little girl die and why did he fall off the train and why did Steve love him and why did Tony hate him and why did he hate himself? He's shaking, and Steve is talking to him, but Bucky can't hear him until Steve grabs him and puts Bucky in his lap, and Bucky can finally make what he's saying, or singing.

This is the start of something beautiful
This is the start of something new
You are the one who'd make me lose it all
You are the start of something new, ooh

And I'll throw it all away
And watch you fall into my arms again
And I'll throw it all away
Watch you fall, now

You are the earth that I will stand upon
You are the words that I will sing

Bucky feels sunshine and security again.

It's 9pm, and Bucky is actually sleeping peacefully in Steve's arms, and Steve is awake. Steve is awake because he's thinking about Bucky and the docks and the dames and the secret make out session after Coney Island and he loves him. Steve love Bucky more that anything and he feels safety in holding him.