I Am Ruined (TDA Lord of Shadows Sequel)

[ IV ] Nothing is Black and White

Kieran was watching Mark pace back and forth in the room, it was almost entertaining to see him so out of sorts. Very different from the graceful and feral member of the Wild Hunt Kieran remembered. His pale blonde hair was in disarray from his fingers constantly pulling through it. He felt bad for him, he really did, but it was hard to understand. Kieran never got along with his brothers.

"Mark, I am sure he will forgive you in time." He ventured, wondering if he should move to comfort him or not.

"No, you don't know Ty. He thinks I kept him from Livvy in her last moments. Kier, you don't understand. She was dead and he was hysterical. I didn't want him to hurt himself." Mark finally sat down on the edge of his bed, head in his hands, "I just want to be there for my family. Julian has been their rock for so long, but he is taking this hard. I want them all to be able to count on me too."

Kieran put a soothing hand on his upper back, wishing there was something he could say to help. If Cristina were here, she would know exactly what to say to comfort Mark. He wanted to be angry about it, but he felt no sting of ire. He truly enjoyed her company and the thought of her comforting Mark made him more relieved than jealous. Yet here was Mark, in Kieran's room (or rather the room he was staying in at the Institute for now), seeking his horribly crafted words of comfort. "They do count on you. Mark, you are by their side and you have shown you will not leave them. That means a great deal and I do not think they take such things lightly."

Mark looked up at him, eyes bright, when the door opened and Cristina came in, "Kier- Oh, Mark! Are you okay?" She sounded genuinely surprised to see Mark there, but what surprised him more was that she had come to his room to speak to him. Not Mark. His mind was swimming trying to figure out why she would want to speak to him. There was the strange feeling that he probably did something wrong, but he had no idea what.

"Yes," If Mark found it odd that she had come to Kieran's room, he didn't show it. It was almost like the two of them were such a big part of his life that anything other than both of them was what was strange, "I am just worried Ty won't speak to me anymore. When he saw Livvy dead he was losing his mind, I- I used a sleep rune and when he woke up he wouldn't even be in the same room as me. Perhaps I was wrong to do it, I just couldn't stand seeing him in so much pain."

Cristina came and sat on the edge of the bed next to him, Mark now in between both of them, "He will forgive you, I promise. Emma told me that during the Dark War, the Blackthorn's father – your father – was turned to an Endarkened Soldier and Julian had to kill him. At 12 years old he had to kill his own father. Ty didn't understand and for 2 years, would barely speak to him. It broke Julian's heart, but after some time, Ty came to understand. Maybe try talking to Julian, he could help."

Mark nodded, "Yeah, I will. Thank you." At that, Kieran did feel a bit of a sting, not of jealousy but sorrow. He would never be able to truly understand Mark's need for his family. However, Christina would never be able to understand his need for the skies and the wild. And maybe that is why Mark couldn't let either of them go; maybe like his eyes, he was a boy split in two.

***

"Again." He said, his voice rough with the intensity of battle, his eyes darker than usual. They decided they needed to train, if the riders of Mannan returned, they needed to be prepared. Emma's gold hair was dripping sweat, sticking to her neck as she charged again. She brought Cortana around in an arc, her swift rune burning on her arm. It clashed with Julian's steel sword, metal on metal colliding. He twisted from her, flipping back and over, landing in a crouch as he sent two daggers flying toward her. They seemed slow compared to everything around her, the trance of battle taking over, and she whirled around to avoid them. Pulling one out of the wall, she threw it back but he caught it with a smile. "Come on, Carstairs, we both know you're better than that."

The smirk on her face matched his as they began circling each other, challenging, "Well I'm being generous. I wouldn't wanna hurt you, we are bound. Just seems kind of counterproductive and all."

He scoffed a laugh and went to put his weapons away, pulling off his gray training shirt that was now drenched. Sweat gleamed down his back, the muscles prominent as he reached over his head. She knew she shouldn't look, but it was nearly impossible. Something sparked her nerve endings, and she had to swallow past the dryness in her throat. "I can feel you staring, you know. Don't be so obvious Emma." Julian teased, his back to her.

Her jaw dropped in disbelief, "Me be obvious? Oh please. I can control myself just fine." She was chuckling to herself as she turned to grab her water bottle from the floor when she felt him move behind her so fast it was almost like he portaled.

The calluses of his hand brushed along her shoulder, pushing her tangled hair aside, "Can you? Control yourself, that is?" She shuddered under his touch but refused to give him the satisfaction of it.

With a strong voice she turned and laughed, "Yes, better than you I'm sure."

Suddenly, her back was against the wall of the training room, Julian's chest pressing into her body. His arms pressed against the wall behind her head, caging her in his presence. Her breath hitched and her hands instinctively went to rest at his waist. Lips brushed her ear, his warm breath making her shiver, "Are you sure about that?"

"Ye- Yes." This time, her voice wasn't confident, but breathy. She cursed herself internally for it.

And just as suddenly as it started, it ended. "Okay, good!" He said stepping back, leaving her surrounded by cool air once again, only she felt more overwhelmed with the lack of his body against hers. Her brown eyes were filled with fire as she glared at him, annoyed that he had gotten to her again. She knew he was teasing her and she vowed to get him back for it when they weren't in such an open space. No one else was in the training room, but she didn't want to get in the habit of being obvious in public areas. She was slowing her breath, willing her body to rid itself of the heat building in her core.

"You're insufferable..." She muttered under her breath and heard him laugh in response.

"And yet you're stuck with me." And with a smirk he was gone, leaving Emma with a smile. In the past week it had been rare to see Julian in a joking mood, or even with a smile. It warmed her heart to know that he still had that light that she loved inside of him, the loss of his sister had not entirely extinguished that fire.

***

Steam was filling the bathroom, the hot water of the shower soothing Emma's aching muscles and nearly scalding her skin. Anytime she was alone, memories flooded her without her volition. The memories of losing her parents, the death surrounding them during the Dark War, losing Arthur and now Livvy. All of the loss no longer made her sad, it made her determined. Determined to dedicate herself to protecting her family. The thought of exile in her mind no longer seemed possible; she couldn't just leave the Blackthorns. She needed to be able to protect them, to know firsthand that they were okay. She shut off the water and toweled off, throwing on her night clothes before opening the door to her room. Sitting on the edge of her bed was none other than Julian. She wanted to make a joke that maybe he was the one who couldn't control himself, but when he lifted his head to look at her, tears stained his face.

"Julian," She breathed, her heart breaking for the boy in front of her. She moved to the end of her bed, wrapping her arms around him and holding him as tightly as possible. This was the man who stayed strong for everyone else, but despite his determination to move on and his joking demeanor, he was broken inside. All of the hope that had filled her during their training had drained away now, leaving her feeling utterly lightless. So she stayed there, embracing Julian as he cried for his little sister. Just as she had when he lost his mother when he was just a boy. Just as he had held her when she was twelve and her parents were murdered. They sat together, protecting each other from the pain of the world, just the two of them as it always had been.