Happier

A recollection

Dear friend,

Before you even ask who I am let me tell you that you used to know me in fact we were best buddies from middle school to high school but just in case you forgot my name is Steve Blythe. I don't blame you if you forgot we're in college now so it would make sense if you forgot to who I am or who I was to you.

Do you remember the park playground? The one where we always hangout?

Its fine if you forgot but I hope I can help you remember it was next to a convenient store The basket of goods I think it was called. There was a river nearby that we used to have fun in. Its a pretty neat place since we have a pretty tiny town. Thats where we also first met during fall.

Do you remember our first meeting? Well I'll gladly tell you. It was the start of fall we had it was a Saturday, A day to relax for kids like us who have school.

I decided that I would spend my time alone as to help me think about the future. Heh pretty advanced for a kid  to think about but I didn't care. All I wanted was to be alone with my shower of thoughts I was still a kid so I had a positive outlook on this world of ours.

Well I'm not talking about me so lets get to the part where you came into my life. I sat at the swings and you happen to be chasing a stray cat. You were hoping to adopt the cat if I recall correctly.

The cat ran away from you and jumped onto me and it had startled me and woke me up from my trance of deep thought and I went to grab it because why not? It was a stray cat that I can pet freely and it didn't  seem to show any signs of hostility towards me. Then I just hear you shouting."Hey mister can I have that cat please!" I look at you running towards me and I asked you sarcastically "Mister? Never knew I was that old yet."

You just chuckled whilst resting from your extensive cat chasing
I remember we were in middle school at that time and about two years away from high school to be honest I'm surprised we even became friends I mean we are polar opposites I being a shut in, pessimistic person and you being the outgoing optimistic type.
Well after our first meeting you introduced me to your friends Sam and Rafael whom we referred to as Rafraf cause he likes dogs. It was our 2nd semester when we met so we had went through the 1st half of the school year. Not a lot of things happened for the other half of the school year there were some high lights like how three of our classmates got expelled because of a fight they started. I'd expect you to remember this because Both of us blacked out at that time because the person they were fighting was Rafael and both of us just went in to fight back for a friend. If I were to be honest I still have a small bit of lingering guilt from that moment. You wouldn't because all you dis was get them off Rafael and punched them once or twice. What I did...

I beat the crap out of one of them with a cricket bat.

The student got hospitalized and we got few scratches and you got a black eye while I got a dislocated wrist. It was then I was apparently diagnosed with a mental illness and I was told to suppress my feelings such as anger. I was suspended for 2 days. Rafael had to deal with a broken arm for a few months. Everyone  in our batch had both small and large feelings of fear towards me and ignored me for the rest of the school year. I should also thank you guys for still being my friends. I never really told you three what I felt like after and what I remember from it. Well I suppose I can tell you now. All I saw was a great white light with black shadows near me consisting of shapes and every time I hit them the shadow and shapes would dissipate and the light grew brighter. After all of that I didn't feel happy nor sad I was somewhere in between. The line that separates happiness and sadness. Thats where I stood on after that moment.

I didn't miss much from my 2 day suspension as at that time we were at the middle of the 2nd semester which was lucky. Right now the shadows of shape still linger in my mind as I feel that they are somewhere near me watching and tormenting me for my actions of almost brutally murdering a kid. I remember I had a new outlook to life at that moment and I started becoming something else. Well I've been ranting on and on now so I should stop writing here thanks for reading if you
Sincerely,
Steve Blythe