Worlds Away

chapter four

I don't go back home until the sun rays start to peak through the clouds and the birds start chirping. Somehow, my previous fear of being alone in the park at night has disappeared and is now replaced with newfound braveness. I spend the next few hours sitting on a bench, reflecting over what I just went through.

Witnessing the different versions of my lives brought about a huge sense of self-realization. I realised the importance of all the people currently in my life by watching the consequences of the actions my other selves took in their lives.

The ones who neglected their friends and family ended up even more sad and lonely than they were before unlike the happier ones; the CEO, the volunteer and the photographing traveller; who stuck by the important people and were in a much better place.

I've always felt as if I didn't need anyone in my life and that I was so much better off alone, but what if I wasn't? What if the reason I've been so increasingly miserable, is because I keep on trying to push everyone away as time passes? What if the reason I've always felt this way is because of the bad decisions I took, the ones I thought were actually beneficial to me?

I smile when I remember how happy they seemed as a result of being less bitter and more open with the people that cared about them.

I want that. I want to be happy and at peace within, and not complain about everything all the time. Why have I been depriving myself of that all these years? With a determined mood, I decide to try my best to change my attitude towards life and not neglect and throw away the amazing blessings that I have, before it's too late.

As I'm walking back home in the dawn, I feel free, as if a big burden has been lifted off me. I reminiscence walking down this path with Alice just last night and miss her already, but I know that I have to continue my journey on my own, without her by my side.

By the time I get home, mother's already up and about with preparing breakfast for the family and I instantly join to help her out.

"Where were you at this time dear?" She asks surprised to see me enter the house at this time, instead of being passed out in my bed upstairs.

"I was just out for an early morning walk, had some thinking to do."

"And what great stuff did you think of?" She asks jokingly while setting plates on the table.

"Well for one, I thought about and realised that I love you very much and don't appreciate you enough for being in my life." I reply and she's completely taken aback, although now she's visibly glowing and her cheeks have turned pink. I give her a tight hug and proceed with helping, ignoring her inconspicuously wiping away a tear.

I repeat the same actions with my father and brother once they come down, eager to return the love and affection and let them know about how much I appreciate them.

"What happened to you? It's like you just changed overnight." My brother remarks suspiciously while having breakfast and I smile at the accuracy of his statement, at how I literally did change overnight.

After breakfast, I head upstairs to get dressed and prepare for the trip with my friends with a newfound sense of excitement overwhelming me. I remember to pack my camera, remembering the memory of the group of friends sitting at the beach house, happily exchanging captured pictures with each other. Since we're going on a road trip, I'm hopeful we'll get to do the same.

My brother drops me off at our meeting point where I merrily wish him goodbye. He drives off with a doubtful, yet with a small smile on his face.

I spot my friends waiting by the hired minivan with their luggage, excitedly chatting with each other. I greet them with the same amount of excitement and at first, they misinterpret it as sarcastic and don't take me seriously. It's only when I assure them a couple of times that I am in fact, serious, they rejoice and hug me and an endless stream of comments and questions begin.