The Player's Best Friend

Chapter 3 Self-Image Issues

Once home, I walked to the kitchen and tried to help my mom with dinner after washing my hands. Dad comes back from work a little later, so we didn't have to rush through the process. We talked about school and work, and many other things. I can usually tell her everything because she understands and gives me advice as much as she can. I know a lot of people who don't feel comfortable talking to their moms about anything, and I fel sorry for them. Holding conversations with your mom is one of the best feelings in the world. I know that when I have children of my own, I want to have a relationship with them as I have with my mom.

We started dinner after Dad came home. My parents think talking while eating is rude, and bad for the stomach, so dinner was usually quiet. The silence is only disruptted occasionally with little small talk, like; How was school? or, how was work? It's nice that way, and just the way we like it.

When dinner ended, I went to do the dishes while my mom went to do other chores. As the water came running down from the faucet, and the soapy foam on the dishes washed off, there were doubts in my head. Would Jathom actually, seriously, even consider me as a date-able person?

I mean, that's a very legit thing to worry about. Although, many people would immediately deem it first world problems and say, what about all of those poeple in Africa? Or those other third world countries? But I don't live in a third world country, and this is the kind of problems many teenagers in America face. Self-esteem is a very big problem. Many people from all around the world suffer from low self-esteem.

After getting rid of all the dishes, I decided to take a shower. When I passed the full length mirror in my room, I couldn't help but be disappointed. I see a girl with black hair that has brown streaks bleached by all that time in the sun, brown eyes, and a larger than usual stature. I'm not exactly short, which is around 5'5, but my bone structure and the more than usual lipids that hung off my body makes me looke even shorter.

Self-conscious much? Very. It's not like I can control it when someone makes a slip up and indirectly call me fat. If I could, I would. I do try to lose weight sometimes, but my resolve just leaves me after a few weeks. No, it's not because I have uncontrollable eating habits. It's more like, I just give up after a while.

In the shower, I had my second flashback of the day.

I was in middle school and the class was coming back from a trip. We were just joking around when someone asked where his friend was. And a friend of mine said, "Violet ate him!" and the guy, I'm sure it was a slip-up, said, "Come on, she's not that fat!", really loud. What else could I do but laugh it off? It was so awkward, but of course I did my best to act like it didn't bother me. And there were more incidents like this one. It's not a surprise to say that I have low self-esteem. I mean, I think very highly of myself, but sometimes, as they say, reality's a biotch.

I came out of the shower feeling more refreshed, but still with the same thoughts. I finished my homewrk and finally went to my bed.

The sleep that was much needed came a long time after with inevitable thoughts of the worst scenarios that could happen between me and Jathom. In the end, I made my resolution of trying to lose weight, not for the first time.

When the sun came up today, or the next day, depends on how you see it, I was exremely tired. Not only that, I just remembered Autumn wouldn't be able to bring me to school today because of morning practices. Curses to soccer. Well, my only option now is Ernest and his stupid car. 

With no other better choices, I called Ernest. After a few rings, he answered with a stupidly bright tone, "Well good morning Violet dear, what makes you call so early in the morning on this fine, fine, day?" Making sure to do an eyeroll even though he couldn't see it, I said, "Can you give me a ride?"