That Feeling Inside

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"No! Please! Chandler please don't do this! I need you!"
"Until you can tell me what's wrong, I'm leaving"
"Ch-chandler, God please don't leave me." The words slipped out, I wasn't even aware I was saying them. Tears poured out of my eyes, another thing that's never happened before.
"This isn't a break up Adrian. This is my way form of an intervention. I tried the normal way but that didn't work." I looked up from the ground and met his eyes. Soft, fierce, beautiful.
"Please..." I look back down and see that my hands are now shaking. I hear his footsteps walk closer to me and I can't help but have false hope. Maybe he's sorry. He decided to stay. Yes, it was a mistake.
"I'll be back to visit in a week" his mumbles softly, almost as if he wasn't even talking to me. His hands cup my chin and lift it up so I meet his eyes again "Don't go hooking up with some other guy now alright?"
"Okay" I use everything in me to smile and make a weak laugh "I promise. Just make sure you really do come back for me."
"I could never really leave you Adrian"
His hands slide away along with any chance of happiness I had left. I watch him leave the room, then leave the apartment. I watch him walk to his car and put his things in the back then get in the drivers seat. I watch the car back up and leave.
"Fuck. I've lost the love of my life"
I roll up the sleeves on my shirt, something I only do at night in the bathroom. I look at what I've done that myself. This is why he's gone. I can't tell him I hate myself enough to slowly destroy my own life. I look at my arms and can only think one simple word, more.