I don't wanna do this anymore.
I don't wanna love myself, so I pray they all love me.
I should've let you know, you were my only one.
//// Jessica Deliz loves Jahseh Onfroy and want to help him in his life. He is very suicidal and she wants to make...
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Jessica.
The meeting went amazing! Now I am at home kicking off my puma slides. I turn on some Keeping Up With The Kardashians, get some apple juice, and go on my phone.
"What the hell? Jahseh is blowing up my phone, the texts read—"
'You are so beautiful'
'No one loves me, I hate myself'
'I don't care about life, I'm the Devils child'
'I wanna kill myself'
'I'm in love with your attitude and sweetness'
'I missed you, and even if I had a chance, you wouldn't wanna date me'
'I'm so ugly, and my ex tells me everyday'
'I hate her but I hate myself so I want people to love me'
'I'm a horrible person'
'I want you Jessica Malia Deliz'
'But, I know you don't want me :('
I'm literally crying, letting my mascara run and not giving a damn. I want to help him through this. I want to support him, and he needs to get away from this ex he has. She isn't doing him any good. I wanted him since we were in elementary school, he was my first crush. And I will always be there for him. I really like him, and I don't want to see him hurt.
I call him and I am an emotional wreck. No answer I call him again No answer So I call him 17 times and text him five saying "Call me back" "Come to my house at 193 Melrose Avenue"
I just lay on the couch, I have taken off my makeup, and changed into shorts and a tank top. I lay there crying and crying because I really want to see him.
I just want to hold him and tell him "it's okay" an give him kisses on his forehead and make him feel safe and secure in my arms like a mother does her baby.
DING - DONG
I wake up and throw my hair in a bun and answer the door. Who would be here at this time of night.
No other than the one I want here— Jahseh.
I see him and greet him and let him into my house. I sit on the couch, patting a area beside me so he could sit. I just want to make him feel better.
I look into his devilish eyes, and I can tell he has been hurt. He looks like he has been crying an awful lot. Damn I just feel so bad for him.
There's a sad silence until he decided to break it.
"My heart is broken. I'm dead inside. No one can change me, and I don't care about myself, I don't care about anything .I want to kill myself, and all I ever wanted was to die. Don't care about life. I hate myself, sold myself to the devil, so who am I anymore? No one cares about me. And no one ever will."
Jahseh.
I usually can't express my feelings because I'm not weak. But with her, I can do anything. I feel so open around her. But she won't care, and I don't love myself so I should just die. After I expressed my feelings, I see her bawling her eyes out, and it hurts to see that the only person I actually care about, hurt. We may be friends but anyone who tries to mess with her, on my God, they getting a grenade up they ass. But I know I have anger management problems, but I just love killing people. It's in my blood, but I know one thing you don't ever kill : women. I don't hurt women, especially Jessica. She is too special.
"Jahseh, I wanna be with you, I wanna help you through this —"
"Everyone hates me, why don't you? If you knew what I've done in my life, you would hate me and want to kill me in my sleep, like I did to someone before."
"Look, I will never hate you, I will help you with whatever you need."
"I'm horrible, you need a better person than me. All I do is abuse girls innocence because of my fame and fortune. Down here in Florida, every living creature wants me off this earth. And I'm ready to die whenever."
I see her start to cry again. I usually don't give two fucks if anyone cries. But with her, I just want to lift her chin up and give her a sweet kiss on her beautiful lips.
She looks into my eyes again, I bet all she sees is the devil.
"I want to be with you,even if we haven't seen each other in over seven years. I want to help you, and fuck your ex.
I chuckle. "You don't want me boo, you sexy as fuck, but I don't want you to get hurt. I don't care about mostly anything, but I care about you, and you aren't getting hurt with me babe."
"I do want you, stop denying it." She says, attempting to kiss me, but I curve her.
"Let me kiss you!" She says, sitting on my lap, facing me.
We look in each others eyes, and then we kiss. Then my manhood started to rise, making her moan softly.
"I can't do this, chill Jessica." I say, forcefully
She laughs and gets off my lap, I know she doesn't take me seriously, but she will when she gets this long di—
Hush, Jahseh.
I start to stare at her as she unlocks her phone to play Candy Crush.
I don't know what draws my attention to her. Is it her beauty? Is it her heart of gold? Is it the way she teases me? I don't know why, but I will find out, and once I do, I know I'll have her heart forever.
Like I said, she doesn't need a nigga like me, I'm so crazy and horrible. I want the best for her and I know damn well that's not me. It's like everything I touch I destroy. No one understands me. My ex did, when we were together. She stayed with me, and she helped me with my suicidal thoughts, but then she switched up on me, and now she hates my guts. I hate myself, and I know I say that all the time, but it's true. Why do good girls always like bad boys?
Anyways, I snap out of my thoughts and check my phone. It's 3:00 am I should leave.
"I think it's time for me to go" I say to her, getting up from the couch.
"Don't leave you can sleep with me in my bed." She says with her beautiful smile and her caring attitude
She looks back down at me "Boy if you try anything with me without my approval, I'll chop your left nipple off" she says with a playful attitude.
We were in front of her bedroom and we just started staring at each other like we didn't know what to do.
"You can go in" She says
I look at her with a smirk on my face, and I say "Ladies first"
She goes in, and I grabbed her ass.
I dart for her bed, and I hide under the covers (I took off my shoes at the door).
She gets on top of me and starts to punch my arms, but im too strong, I barely feel them.
"Jay you get on my nerves" she says with uncontrollable laughter and I laugh also, as she pull the covers from off of my body, she lays on me , and we both look in each other's eyes and make a goofy face. Then I grab her ass again, then she smacks my face. I laugh because I don't respond to pain. She lays beside me on the bed and she looks at me, then I take off my jacket, leaving my bare chest. She stares at my abs then she looks at the ceiling. I stick my tongue out and then I lay back down. I lay on her chest and look at her then we both laugh. Then she turns out the light and then she says—
