Eighteen (Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter Fourteen

For the first time in an eternity I felt no inspiration. Completely void. Gone. Like someone broke into my castle of ideas and robbed it of every last bit of value it had. The chord progressions couldn't be fathomed and the lyrics couldn't be articulated. My eyes were blurred, staring at a computer screen. I was so caught up in nothingness I didn't bring my attention to the man standing at the door. "Hey, i'm here to talk about that new song." Hoseok said.

I julted. "Oh, yeah, that. Umm, I don't have anything yet." I stumbled over my words.

"That's fine, we can start it now." he looked like he was holding something back. A smile was slapped on his face.

We worked and worked. My eyes dropped to stare at my hands. Whenever something came up where I wanted to speak up my mouth felt like it was full of cotton. By the end of the day we had very little. "Goodbye Mr. Jung." I said as he was getting up to leave. All the light left his eyes, the glimmer that I looked forward to seeing everyday at work. He let out a small sigh. He sat back down. "You have to go and practice." I said.

"Practising I the least of my problems right now, Y/N." he rested a hand on my shoulder. "We have been worried about you today, is it about-" I automatically cut him off.

"You need to leave, you have better and more important things to do." I didn't want to talk about it. Not at all. It would only make it worse.

He inhaled and exhaled. In one swift moment he stood up and pushed in his chair. His eyes lingered for a second and he left the room. The air held up in my lungs was released and I let my head fall back. There are many things I can't do, one of them is 'talk about it' people talk about it as if it's the easiest thing to do but every time I want to the moment I get into a situation where I can my confidence liquefies.

---TIME SKIP---

The week went on as normal. Hoseok worked on the new song and we have almost finished it up. He didn't bring up anything. I only briefly saw Namjoon and Yoongi and I tried my best to ignore them.

I had just gotten home from work. It was Thursday, meaning tomorrow would be Friday. Ah, I have the weekend off just to relax. I collapsed on my sofa. The thoughts of the day flooded in my mind. Namjoon- no not him. I can't bare to think about him. Why? Why can't I think about him? My mind turns numb every time I invite him in. it's an odd feeling, warm but strange. I never thought about me feelings either. Before all this happened I was trying to. I couldn't make up my mind. I think I have now. I think I know.

Writers note: Wow, Its been a while. Sorry about that. I really think I will start to wrap this story up soon but I have no clue. I am now out of school for the year so I will try my best to update when I can. Thank you all for your patience.