13 Reasons Why (Emison)

Tape 2, Side A

"You've heard of the butterfly effect, right? That if a butterfly flaps its wings at just the rights time, in just the right place... it can cause a hurricane thousands of miles away. It's chaos theory. But, see, chaos theory isn't exactly about chaos. It's about how a tiny change in a big system can affect everything. Chaos theory. Sounds dramatic, but it's not. Ask a mathematician. Or better yet, ask someone who's been in a hurricane."

I take my headphones off and stare at the new painting on the wall outside of school. It's a bunch of obscure faces and at the bottom it reads, "YOU ARE NOT ALONE." I can't help but hear Alison saying those words.

"Wanna help?" 

Turning around, I see Sean coming up to me. "What?"

"Do you want to help? Put up posters." He unrolls the poster he's carrying. It's some cheesy anti-suicide propaganda. Exactly the kind you would expect to be hung up in a school after a student killed themselves.

"No, no thanks, Sean," I say, feeling slightly queasy looking at it.

He puts his hand on my back. "Come on, school spirit. Making a contribution... Giving back.

I stare at him for a minute, trying to figure him out. "Giving back to who, exactly?"

Before Sean can answer, music starts playing and I look over to see the band. "Why are they playing in the courtyard?"

"They asked student council. Thought it was a great idea. They've got a concert tonight." Sean leaned in like he was telling a secret. "We've got some glum chums."

Just as he says this we both look over and see Lucas walking by. His shoulders are slumped and he looks like he just doesn't want to go on. Or maybe he can't. 

Sean bids me goodbye and I put my headphones back on.

"Lucas Gottesman. You caused the hurricane. It's your turn. Little did I know, you would F. my L. forever. Little did I know, you would be my hurricane."

I watch Lucas as I listen. He goes over to the band to play, but ends up taking his guitar off and walking away, his head in his hands. He looks frustrated and guilty. Exactly how I feel and I haven't even heard my tape yet.

"Maybe you think I'm being silly. I'm some stupid girl who gets all worked up over a little thing. But little things matter. For instance, you never told me when you started dating Hanna. But I remember just how it ended. With your list."

I take my headphones off and approach Lucas slowly. "Hey..."

He looks at me for a long time before replying. "Hey."

I sit down next to him on a table and pull out his tape. "Lucas, can we talk about this?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"Is Ali telling the truth?"

He looks at me, incredulous. "What do you think?"

I sigh. "Did you do what she said you did?"

"Did you?"

Someone from his band called him over and he got up without saying anything else. I let him go, watching the way his whole body moved slowly. The music started to play, but I just put the tape back in and my headphones back on.

"Lucas, we hadn't talked since you two got together. And then it seemed like maybe you might not be together anymore."

Alison walks into the office and glances over, seeing Hanna sitting in one of the waiting chairs. "Hey, Han."