Freedom is...

Denial

It was almost scaring me now, how calm and collected Loki was. After all these centuries, I should have been able to tell when he was actually calm, and when his calmness what a ruse. Now I wasn't sure, partially because I didn't want his calmness to be real. Sure, I didn't want him to be in pain, but it was worse to think that my brother might be so heartless to let mother go so soon. It was scaring me because I knew that he very well could be that heartless after all he's gone through. It scared me because it could be the first sign of losing Loki to the Darkness again.

______________________________________________________

Thor and I sat in our room for a while, the silence filling the air. This time, I didn't try to stop it. I did, however, manage to keep my mind from wandering into the darkness. I focused on now. Not what had already happened. What was happening now and what was going to happen. Thor and I would eventually have to find a place to live in this little realm.

I knew I couldn't use magic to help us this time. They'd track my magic. No conjuring, no trickery. We'd have to work things out like every other mortal in this realm. As far as I was concerned, we /were/ mortal. I'd proven that our lives could be taken in an instant if we-

No. I stopped myself. I couldn't let my mind go off like that. Not while my staying stable was so important to our survival on this realm. If I slipped up, I could fall into a black pit, pulling me deeper and deeper in, and I would never be able to get out. The where would we be?

I had to stay focused on the task at hand, no matter how much I felt the need to slip into the darkness.

How hard it was for me to feign apathy when Thor asked if I was 'okay'. I knew exactly why he was asking.

"I'm fine, Thor," I replied simply.

"Are you sure you're fine?" he asked. He was persistent. I admired it most days. Not today.

"Why would I lie over something so... Trivial?" He and I both knew why.

"Considering what just happened..."

"Thor, It's done, I'm over it!" I said, trying to keep my patience with him. "There's nothing I can do to change it, so why brood on it?"

"Loki, I know you don't mean this. Why are you acting like this?" he asked. "I know you cared for her."

"I /don't/ care," I said all too quickly. "I /never/ cared. /That's/ why." I ignored his hurt expression. "Next time you ask me how I'm doing, don't expect an answer."

I stormed out of the room, almost like a child that lost an argument, and outside of Jane's house. I needed air.

How could I have said so easily that I did not care for my own mother? Maybe it was for the best that I turn cold for a while. It may hurt Thor, and even myself, but it could also save us.

Freedom is denial.