Stars are fireflies. Fireflies that have done a great, noble deed and died.
A recent study performed by the Gallifrey History and Science Academy (GHSA) conducted in 2010 followed a firefly from the bayou of New Orleans by the name of Raymond, though he asked to be called Ray. As they followed this particular firefly, they were finally able to prove this theory correct.
Although it failed to answer the theory of African socialist and astronomer Timon, it resulted in a new star being formed. If you would like to see this star, you simply need to find the second star the right. It appeared shortly after Raymond’s death.
The following year, GHSA sent up the space and time probe by the name of TARDIS, manned by the three person crew of Eccly, Tenny, and Smithy, to see if Timon’s theory that stars are fireflies that got stuck in the sky.
They first went to the second star to the right, which apparently leads to another universe where children never grow any older and fairies are not in hiding, and found that Timon’s theory was in fact correct. Raymond became the star that leads to Neverland. He is in charge of keeping it shining and allowing the portal to open and close as Peter Pan, a young native of Neverland, comes and goes.
He directed the TARDIS and it’s crew to the North Star. After having a nice afternoon tea with Ray, Eccly, Tenny, and Smithy flew to visit the North Star who introduced herself as Evangeline. She explained to us the job of the stars and explained that a firefly dies twice, once on Earth and the second time after they complete their heavenly duty.
Our crew asked her to explain heaven and it’s hierarchy, but she didn’t have the time as a friend of hers named Gabriel was visiting and would be staying for quite a while as he was supposed to be dead. Eccly thanked her while Tenny and Smithy had another argument about who had better hair.
Professor River Song has been put in charge of further study of this subject.
In further news, the Winchester brothers have again been killed. It is a tragic loss and we will all mi- What? Oh, alright.
Our new intern Rory, who has so far survived longer than any of our other interns, has just told me that they are alive. Again. Welcome back Winchesters!
Sherlock has also recently come back from the dead, though, let’s admit it, we all knew he wasn’t dead. There was just no way he would let Jim win. Speaking of Jim, Carlos, my amazing scientist boyfriend, has just completed a study with his team of scientists which has proven that guns in fact do not kill people. So we’re expecting Jim back anytime now.
Arthur has yet to come back, and Merlin is still crying over his death. Not to worry though! Harry is planning to throw a wizard party this Tuesday.
No one important has died on a Tuesday yet, so I’m sure it will be perfectly safe.
Any wizards interested in going, please send an RSVP to Harry. It is a potluck, so bring your favourite dish to share!
Well, that’s all for news today. Please stay tuned for Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters taking to us from beyond the grave.
Good night, listeners. Good night.
