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I remember meeting him so vividly,I can never erase the moment we met from my mind. That was the day that started it all.
I hated living in New York, too many people, and way too fast for me. Even though I've been here for 4 years I still missed the slower feel that I had living in Virginia. But here I was, constantly being pushed around, trying to maneuver through a crowd of people. After escaping that meaningless escapade I found the place I was trying to reach. "Barnes and Nobles." I was itching to read Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur, I seen little posts of her Poetry all over social media. They spoke of Love, Loss, Heartbreak, Rape, Selfishness. I just had to read such a beautiful powerful book. After picking it up I decided to search for more. I need new babies to read anyway. 40 minutes later I was immersed in "Diary of an Oxygen Thief" by Anonymous. He told of how loved to break girls hearts. It felt amazing, it was his drug, his passion. Even though it was terrible, I found myself loving his story.
"We aren't punished for ours sins. No, we're punished by them." I read aloud. That made a lot of sense. Nothing hurts more than having to go through the pain you put someone else through. Karma is a fickle thing. I closed the book. Seeing it was approaching 3 p.m. and I had other tasks to do. I pulled out my phone and began walking back to the front of the bookstore. Head down, scrolling through Twitter, I was unconscious of the boy who was following me in hopes of getting my name.
"Excuse me Miss." I heard a soft voice say. I turned around and my eyes traveled up the body of the most beautiful boy I have laid my eyes on. He was the color cinnamon, full lips, round eyes. "Yes?" I half whispered I was in awe of him. "Yea, I uh...." he trailed off. I was too busy taking in his features to listen to him.
His dreads were half in his face, he was playing with the sleeve of his jean jacket. I caught myself staring at him. He laughed lightly and ran his tongue over his perfectly white teeth. "I'm sorry what were you saying?" I apologized. He put his head down and shifted his feet. "I was telling you, you're very beautiful, and I uh wanted to um," I figured he was a little nervous so I decided to help him out a bit, "Sade and you are? "He lifted his head, " Carter" he smiled. I was stuck on his smile, it was so genuine, his teeth were so perfect I began to wonder if he wore veneers. " well I would love to get to know you Carter" I said to him. He began to smile even harder, " No problem Ma." He was radiant to me, I couldn't get over it. We exchanged numbers and I walked out replaying our encounter in my mind over and over again.
A few months passed and Carter was everything I could ever yearn for. Intellectual, loving, hilarious, he was still just as shy and soft spoken than he was when he stopped me in the bookstore. Still I didn't care. I learned to love it. As ethereal he seemed to me I began to know notice small things that showed another side of him. He wasn't just shy. He was insecure and harbored a lot of anger inside. The only way he could rid himself of it was through painting. That's where he was truly talented. All the pain, anger, and bottled up emotions were in every stroke of his paintbrush. He often painted abstract art that I couldn't understand but he'll always tell me. " Only I can really understand because they're my paintings, everyone else simply is just gonna have their own interpretation." He was right. At night he would call me about random thoughts, his fears and his backstory, except we never got far with that. It was a topic that he didn't dwell on for long. He never talked about his Mom, Dad, or siblings. Something happened that he didn't tell me for a very long time. But, our relationship itself was quite fast in the beginning. We ended up moving in together into this art studio/ apartment in Brooklyn.
"Can I paint you?" he asked me one day. "why don't you do a self portrait." I told him. He looked up at me and shook his head. We were in our room while I re-twisted his dreads "nah baby, I'm not worth a self portrait...but you, you're gorgeous love. You deserve a gallery dedicated to you. He always gushed about me. I didn't ask him about him downplaying his looks because he would go silent on me. And right now, I was very much enjoying our conversation. I grabbed some more coconut oil and massaged it through his hair. "You still didn't answer my question, can I paint you?" he asked again. "Well...sure why not,"I responded. He grinned and closed his eyes. Later that night I got naked for him to paint me. Then after he made stay the same position for 45 minutes Carter sent my body on a cosmic high.
I'm pretty sure I fell in love that night and so did he.
