(^party outfit)
As I pull up to the barbecue, with jack being antisocial, I see a bunch of collage students out the front of the house.
"Holy yes!" Jack shouts scaring me a little.
"Que diablos" my heart pounds by the sudden interest.
"What?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Why the holy would you scare me like that?" I say angrily
"This is my scene by qweeen" he pulls up a peace sign and leaves the car meeting up with a few of his friends.
As I'm trying to quit smoking I haven't been to most parties unless they were small and I knew most of the people.
As soon as I enter the house I'm hit with a smell of cigarettes and instantly my cravings are out of the roof.
I just pop a piece of strawberry (like that was important) gum in my mouth to help the cravings stop.
"NAT NAT!!" Screams an obviously already drunk Annalise.
"lisssss" I sigh "your gonna shit yourself tomorrow" I snort.
"Well so will you! Come with" she grabs my arm and drags me out the back.
"I think I should stay inside. Ya know. Cold turkey" I fastly say.
"Oh well they won't hurt you, come on" she persists.
"Fine" I'm not usually one to give into things but the stress has been killing me and losing a friend isn't on the list.
-
I break all of my hard work as I place the white cancer stick between my lips and light it. As I breathe in the smoke I feel relief and sensations throughtout my whole body.
I'm not drunk nor was I persuaded. The temptation was there and I took it.
I suddenly see gilinsky in the corner of my eye as he makes his way outside to me with wilk.
"I thought you quit?" he says with a disappointing tone.
"I. Uh. It's just one.. to ya know. It's.. uhh" I stumble over my words as I try to answer his question.
"Oh well give it here" he says. I half expected him to throw it on the floor and step on it but he actually puts it into his mouth and inhales coughing it out instantly.
"Yeah nah this shit is gross. Only smoked 2 in my life. Both times I was butt drunk" Wilk laughs as he hits his chest with the back of his hand remembering the memory.
"Ok?" I raise my eyebrows and shoulders.
"I like that organic shit. Weed. You should try it sometime. Fuckin amazing" Wilk suggests.
"Agreed soldier" Gilinsky salutes as does a twist.
"Girl get dose taties out" Annalise yells out before grabbing the bottom of my hoodie and bra, lifting it up.
I instantly yell and pull it down.
"Que diablos analizas!" I yell before whacking her.
"She can't keep her cloths on" gilinsky sniffs a laugh.
I groan while grabbing my bag and leave.
I hop in my car with a million thoughts running through my mind. But the most overpowering one was the thirst for nicotine.
It's a nasty addiction I know but at least it's not cocaine or heroine. Not that extreme.
I drive down to a random gas station and pick up my favourite cigarettes. I so badly want to light up right now but I know I can't have my car smelling like that as it's new and expensive.
Reaching the apartment thing I drop my bag getting my new lighter and a cigarette. I head to the large balcony and light the cigarette.
Not yet having put it in my mouth but just watch as the fire burns through it. Before it's all burnt I take a long and thoughtful hit then throw it off the balcony.
Once again I get that rush of calmness. No more headaches or yucky nicotine strips. Just pure bliss ness.
Yes I know the harm and damagful things in the cigarettes but maybe I like them. Even thought I have never really been a deep smoker, I barely even inhale.
But I realised something.
I like the cigarettes even thought they hurt me. As I do the boy.
